I feel bad but also so good

First off, I cannot believe I am actually putting pen to paper, but I came across this site and found similar stories, so i guess I am not alone. I feel bad though.

I am 38 years old and in good shape for my age. I had very few partners before I met my husband, three in fact. We met in our last year of college, and got married three years later. We have two children, 10 and 7. About a year ago, something in me changed.

I went with a friend to one of these women only sex toy shows. I used a toy in college, but did not really enjoy it as I just preferred real cock. I really only went because she begged me and did not want to go alone. After some talk and wine, the show really started. I listened and watched as these ladies talked about sex and passed around these various toys.

Then it happened, she took out this really large black cock. Everybody laughed and the conversation got elevated. They started about black guys, confessing to fucking guy, talking about large cocks, etc. I just sat smiled and giggled.

I left with the purchase of a rubber sleeve thing that jerks off cock. Got it for my husband since I don't really like toys, well, at that point.

Over the next few weeks I would find myself drifting off and thinking about those big black toys. Then I did something I have never done alone, I watched porn, interracial porn. I was totally addicted. The sight and sounds of these women screaming and getting stretched out was intoxicating.

To make matters worse, we have some very attractive black guys at work. I go to the bathroom sometimes and rub my clit to orgasm thinking about fucking them.

The next step came about four months ago. I drive past an adult store on my way to and from work, but kept chickening out from going inside. I actually parked there twice but drove away without going inside! So I ordered two toys from an online store, petrified my husband would open the package, so I ordered them while he was away on a golf outing.

Before I even opened the package I was soaked. I was wet driving home knowing they had been delivered, but when I had the package in my hands I could feel a wetness I had never felt. I could not wait to rip the package open. As I opened the kitchen door, my phone wrang. My mom, who picks up our kids twice a week did not feel well and could I come over now to pick them up. FUCK!! So much for plans.

I put the kids to bed early (they were pissed), and went to closet to open the box. As I thought about how they were going to feel, guilt washed over me. Our two kids were feet away asleep and I was staring at two big black cocks in a box. What the fuck was I doing?? I went to bed frustrated and tossed and turned all night!

My husband was due back in two days and I was begging for some alone time. So I did the unthinkable, I called in sick! What kind of person calls in sick so they can get off?!?!?

I decided to do this properly. After dropping off the kids I went home and prepared. I put on some sexy lingerie and heels, just the women in the porn vids. I put down a towel, a bunch of pillows in front of the full length mirror, grabbed my laptop, went to BLACKED website, found my fav vid and pressed play. I got the box from the back on the closet and went to get comfortable. I took out the big black cocks, one large and one huge, and the free sample of lube. Yeah right, like I needed the lube!

I moved up closer to the mirror and looked at the reflection. As I watched this beautiful blonde scream at the size of the girthy black cock violating her pussy, I started to rub the veiny black dildo up and down across my clit and pussy. I was throbbing, absolutely throbbing. My clit was so fucking swollen and my heart was beating out of my chest. The first orgasm flushed over me in uncontrollable waves, I was convulsing on the floor and the room was spinning. I had never cum like this before and the dildo was not even inside me!!

The porn vid was over and I lay there holding the dildo. There I was, spent, legs spread, heels on, and my pussy juice was dripping down my ass! I lay back. What just happened?!? Kids at school, hubby on golf vacay, called in sick, and I'm masturbating with a black dildo on my bedroom floor!! 10 seconds later I was thinking I want this big black cock inside me.

I started thinking about Devon from work. He is tall, muscular, very handsome, married, and black! Could I seduce him. Could I take him to the bathroom and suck his big black cock. Could I lift up my short skirt bend over, grab his huge black cock and tell him to fuck me. Could I make him empty his black balls deep into my married cunt. DAMN!

I rested the head of the dildo on my soaked pussy lips and pushed, hmm, a little harder. HOLY SHIT! I felt myself open up as the first couple inches slid inside me. As I pushed more and more up inside me I felt pleasure and pain. How did these women in porn do this? With about half of it deep inside me I stopped to take my breathe. I lay there motionless for a minute and then looked down into the mirror. I was spread, really spread. I was giving birth to this big black dildo!

I started fucking myself. Faster, deeper, harder. I pulled it all the way out. It was covered in my pussy cream all along the veins. Is this what I would do to Devon's cock? I shoved it back inside me, even deeper, even harder. I was talking dirty, shouting dirty, pulling it all the way out and shoving it back in. I could not believe how much I was taking, practically all of it. 9 inches of big black cock was inside me, then 10 inches, then the whole fucking thing!! This was magical! This orgasm was building up from so deep inside me. Then, with 11 inches of balls deep black cock inside me, I exploded. Literally!! I contracted and throbbed so fucking hard that the dildo flew out of me and hit the mirror!! LOL

I am not sure how long I lay there in deep orgasm, but after the waves of orgasm ended it was immediate calm like I was high! My body twitched. I lifted myself up. The dildo lay in front of the mirror, and my cum was smeared across it. What now? Geesh. I looked over at the box, the bigger and wider dildo was still inside, inside the wrapping, looking at me, talking to me. Later big guy, later!

So why did I post this under 'Cheating.' I mean it was only masturbation, right. I guess because it is a precursor to what is coming next. I am going to fuck a BBC. I have come really close a couple times. Once a guy from work, not Devon though, and once from being out with friends. Part of me wishes my husband would cheat so it gives me an excuse to fuck. The dildos stay hidden in my closet and come out only on occasion. I find myself looking at black guys constantly and wondering what's inside their pants. Maybe I should just blurt it out during sex, "I want to fuck a BBC, want to watch?" LOL.