Funny Confessions

I'm Bored, So Here Are My Favorite Shower Thoughts

1. If a vampire drinks blood from a vegan, would that be the vampire equivalent to "eating your greens"?
2. Milk exists because some guy decided to get freaky with a cow.
3. Drywallers could make pretty good cake decorators.
4. Keeping a child's baby teeth is perfectly acceptable, unless you are a stranger or a serial killer.
5... [more]

Masturbate spraying sanitizer

I spray the sanitizer on my Cock and masturbates. It gives a hot throbbing sensation.

If only they knew

My boyfriend is very good with his hands and tongue!
I love my pussy licked so much my boyfriend has made two devices that I can rest my legs on so it’s more comfortable for both of us.
We leave the two leg rest in the corner of our living room, whenever friends or family are visiting someone will always asks, what are those.
I even watch the... [more]

Come look my penis, why don’t ya?!

The following is a fictional story based on an SNL skit that takes place on a nude beach.
One night I was getting out of the shower, when my mom walked in.
“Hey mom.” I said casually. Although my mother hasn’t seen me naked in a while, I didn’t mind her walking in. Now if she caught me wacking it, that’d be a different story.
“Hey honey... [more]

Masturbating to national anthem

I'm jerking off to national anthem from lady gaga...

Nudity

I was showering recently and I was expecting an important phone call. Of course I forgot to take my phone in with me.
As I was just stepping out of the shower dripping wet, I heard my phone ring and my wife called out, "Your phone"
I ran out of the shower to get it. It was on the dining room table past the front door.
As I passed the front... [more]

That’s very big

I went to see my friend for coffee, chatting away I asked how was her son holiday, she said don’t ask, how he’s still alive I don’t know, why what happened I asked, she said he will be down in a bit ask him yourself.
When he did come downstairs I said mom said I should ask you how your holiday was, he said excellent best ever, his mom then said... [more]

Perverts

It's a know fact ...most married women have less sex then when they were single .... IT"S A FACT.... there fore they're extremely jealous of young women that have the goods and show it off.... TA-DAAH... most marriages end up with unfaithfulness men cheat with other married women and women cheat with other married men..... while you... [more]

Yep one reason I married him is

He is the only man I met that could fuck me right

Maybe were doing it wrong?

Not sure ware to put this anyways I like the feeling of doggie style and well I can't do it maybe my lips are too big, maybe he is too big not sure.. Anytime we have tried it I end up getting air in my cunt and it goes in there and then gives me cramps, so we just don't do it that way.. Maybe we should try going outside idk

Good morning

Favorite way to wake up Husband take off my panties an get pussy as close to his face as I can then say "Time to wake up and smell pussy" he love it sit up and tongues my clit a bit then has to get up an pee then comes back and dose more stuff to me :) Awesome wife awesome life

Not sure if its true but it is funny

So here lately BF and I have been talking about people we have been with before our past and here is how is a story he told me
well he had a fuck buddy before and she was crazy is what he says anyways he was telling me about this one time they were at a convenience store and he dared her to do a flip and put a funnel in her pussy and turn on... [more]

Measuring Up

I'm in a LTR with a woman I'll describe as "Chubby" and I have a side thing with an NSA "Supersize BBW (450+ pounds) Friend With Benefits. I wrote about my FWB in posts I had sex with a huge fat woman and FUPA kind of love and I was the one who posted the Deodorant for women that had a secondary use when you emptied it,
Growing up and going... [more]

Facials

Bet my Husband never thought he would get more facials then he gives HeHeHe G spot is awesome.. well he wouldn't get as many if he didn't want to watch me cum, its his hobby to make me cum it's been pretty fun :)

Dating

I gave my boy friend a blow job with two of my girl friends hiding in the closet. I remember I got his dick stiff as board and sucked him off. He never found out he was being watched the whole time. They sneaked out while he cleaned himself in the bathroom. They most have fingered themselves off that night. What you don't know doesn't hurt.

Kind of awkward personal question.

This isn't sexual, but for at least a couple of different reasons, I don't want to ask this on Facebook, which was my first idea.
A friend of my stepdad died back in '11, and he left behind a storage unit containing stuff he'd largely made it clear he wanted stepdad to have. I went along, on the promise of getting anything stepdad didn't have... [more]

I left a Polaroid pic in her nightstand.

This is the days before d.i.c.k. pics. I was at at party in the 90s with my wife. The couple had a large house and it was filled, wall to wall, with people. The man was a successful car dealership owner/partner and the wife was a hottie, blond, big tits, and really flirty. She had made a drunken comment about her husband not pleasing her in... [more]

Wife's Friend

When my wife and I were first married we went through a bad spell of arguing all the time. Money was tight and the honeymoon was over.
One day she went to work and was complaining to her co worker how unhappy she was in her marriage and how miserable I was as her husband. According to her I was always complaining about how terrible she was in... [more]

December 07 1942

The other day I asked my wife if she knew what day it was. She said no. I told her it was December 07. Pearl Harbor Day. She said ok yeah. I then told her I wanted to play Pearl Harbor when I got home. She asked what's that. I told that is where I lay down and you blow the hell out of me. She laughed and said ok when you get home. When I came home... [more]

Hot Tub Oops

A while back I was about to get in my hot tub when one of the neighbors came over to borrow the mower. While he went to get it from the shed, I slipped into the tub. When he came back, he stopped to talk and I noticed he kept on staring at me a little more than usual. I mean it is nothing new about him seeing me in my bikinis, so I was not too... [more]

Todays poem

Rat Shit Bat Shit Suck your momma's tit Cock Suck Mutha Fuck Eat a Bag of Shit.

Shut the F### UP!

Out at a bar this weekend, a group of girls was at a table hanging out, and then they ended up moving to the bar. One was a loud troll who couldn't hold her liquor and was getting hammered and even more loud. It's amazing how one shrill voice can cut through loud music, but it did. She pronounced several vowels the same way, with that fucking... [more]

Daughter or stepdaughter

Which pussy is best daughter ir step daughter?? Ones 25 others 39. Need advice

Gail

Actually after thinking about it I laugh.
Larry and I have been in a wife sharing lifestyle for a long time and I only agreed to it after he told me he just wanted to watch without doing anything except taking pictures and helping out once in awhile and it has worked for years now and we have a very active sex life with me being shared once in... [more]

Masturbating in school

I know the title doesnt sound like much but it is
So i was kicked out of class because i was interrupting the teacher so he put me in a storage room which maybe was 10 x 5m big. After a while of doing my work i decided with my stupid 12 year old brain that i could jerk off right now so I unzipped the noodle in a room with huge ass windows two... [more]

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