I heard the phrase “watering the plants” and took it literally lol
When I was a kid there was a joke at school about Raymond the effeminate man in administration. They said he went to the supermarket and asked for a peperoni sausage. The butcher asked him if he wanted it sliced and Raymond asked him if he looked like piggy bank. It was a long time before I got it. The whole thing went right over my head.
My wife was drying off from a shower when I came in and got a pill bottle out of the medicine cabinet.
Wife: What's wrong babe? Headache?
Me: No, I'm taking a Cialis because I'm getting some pussy today.
Wife (playfully): Oh, is that so?
Wife (again playfully): And what if I don't want to put out?
Me: Hey, all I... [more]
The following narration describes what I experienced as as a child:
It was in around middle of one night when I woke up hearing what appeared to me some crying and shouting sounds. They were coming from my parents bed room. I walked to their bed room door through dark corridor, curious to see what was going on. The door was slightly open and I... [more]
This is a cheating/ funny confession because I am also cheating on my husband when this happened.
To make a long story short, I was fucking a man that would be easily the biggest man I've ever been with. I was riding him and he ends up moving just the right way and as I was about to cum, I squirted right onto his chest. I'm a 39 year old woman... [more]
During the early part of my career I was on a rotation which took me to Colombia for two years. I lived in Bogota due to the security issues and officed in the office there. Rosa was an accounting girl and she decided that I was her responsibility. She served me the coffee, she made sure that I had a lunch set up, she talked to the maids at my... [more]
I recently did a stint in the hospital for stomach problems. I got out of it okay, and with a few keepsakes.
I had some really hot nurses looking after me and I took full advantage!!! I took several pictures of their asses whenever they bent over in front of me. Visible panty lines through a pair of tight scrubs is awesome.
Anyone else here... [more]
My neighbor down the hill would punish their daughter bye locking her out on their back yard completely naked. What rhey didn' t know was that I could see her from my roof with my binoculars walking around looking at her tits an pussy. To top all, she went to my same school, my same classroom and saw her every day. Even with clothes on I still got... [more]
I wanna perform a kind of social experiment. Have a bunch of *straight* guys get blown by a collection f men, women and trannies, only none of the participants have met before so the guy at no point knows if the person blowing him at the moment has a penis(this may require a gloryhole wall). Each guy would then rank which person gave the best... [more]
So this is a recent discovery. I've been enjoying dressing up in girl's clothes when I'm alone at home. Few days ago I bought my very own dress and decided to take few pictures of myself. After the photosession as I was going through the pictures I got extremely turned on. I'm not particularly feminine looking guy, but I'm tall with skinny arms... [more]
How do you get. To post pics
So for some reason every time I eat Green Jell-O my shit turns green and looks like pickles.
So after taking a green shit after eating Green Jell-O I fished my green turds out of the toilet and opened a pickle jar and put the turds in the pickle jar.
Then when we had Hamburgers later that day my family took pickles out of the jar except that... [more]
Dan’s little cock
I have been seeing this women that I met at the gym. We will call her Alyssa, she is almost 6 years older than me and married with 2 kids. I know it’s wrong but we have been dating for about a year now. I don’t see other people and it’s almost as if she is single. Her husband works out of town so with the kids at school she often comes over and... [more]
I had been dating a hot 21-year old for a while. Tall, natural blond, blue eyes, pale skin. She fucked me over and we split, so I hooked up with her best friend just to piss her off.
Her bestie and I ended up staying together for a while. One day she was using my PC and clicked on a file in a random folder. I watched in horror as a pic of my ex... [more]
So i took a male friend for a ride on the back of my motorcycle. No problem there, u might think, until he jumped off at the end of the ride and i could see he had a big hard on bulging in his pants. Apparently sitting behind a leather clad girl on a motorcycle was a big turn on for him. Any other guys or girl experienced something similiar? I... [more]
I love my wife. since the day i have met her, she has never refused me anything. its so exciting that i can ask her to do anything and she will do it without question.
for may years i have used this to my pleasure. shes really good in bed and takes direction well.
she has always thought that she is homely. she is in fact beautiful but... [more]
I wonder if there was some German dude in the '50s going, "BuT iTs My HeRiTaGe, I don't support NAZIS, I just wanna fly my swastika flag to show off my German pride, blar-de-blardy-blar"? Right up there with the last guy to have a Charlie Chaplin mustache.
I recently begged my wife to let me drink her piss and lick her bum after having a big shit after licking her bumhole clean I fucked her arse then licked out my own cum
Last night I woke up. I had been dreaming I was going down on my wife and then I started to suck on her balls. (She doesn't have balls). I took each one into my mouth and sucked gently and ran my tongue all over them and she was moaning. I woke up and I had a huge hard on. We ended up fucking in the morning. She came 4 times, but I didn't cum.
I am Tony, I live in Finland and I am fond of construction)
This is my hobby, I started it a couple of years ago during the COVID pandemic, my nerves were on edge, I was depressed (
The psychologist told me to find a hobby, and it became construction! I studied a lot of literature, magazines and websites, the last topic was... [more]
Should I try it and let my dog lick my d
Years ago I was working at a quick lube and a smoking hot woman in brown tights and a Christmas sweater came to get an oil change. The guy I was working with stopped in mid-sentence and stared for a second, and then said quite loudly "God damn! I bet her pussy tastes like sugar cookies!". We died laughing, and afterwards if a hot woman came in... [more]
I love how ridicuously slutty women are at music festivals! I remember once at a heavy metal festival, this woman, about 21, in the tent beside me was wearing a a very tight pair of leather (or maybe P.V.C) trousers. She had been drinking all day and was staggering about. At a certain point she bent over to get something out her bag when all of a... [more]
Hiya, I was out one night wearing quite a short dress, shorter than I'd usually wear, just below my bum. At first I was really self conscious as it tends to ride up, but after a few drinks, I was enjoying all the attention! At one point I knew the bottom of my bum was uncovered, but I didnt want to pull the dress down! I got as much attention from... [more]
I think my mother relived her youth thru me. She got married to my father as a junior in HS, he was a senior. He joined the service as soon as he graduated, mom told me because he needed a job with insurance. I guess dad liked it as he made it a career. All my teenage years were spent in Europe. I was an easy developer and mom put me on the... [more]
Without consent, I mean. I sometimes had boyfriends do it playfully, but this incident was the first and, so far, only time it was done by a stranger. Well, not exactly a stranger.
It was the first day of summer. I was 16 and at a mall with a friend. I was wearing tighy red shorts and white sleeveless shirt. My friend went to the bathroom as I... [more]
Un grupo de chicas en el cole cuando tenia 15 años agarraron a mi y a mi hermano mayor, despues de la clase de educaciòn fìsica y nos dieron patadas en las bolas. a mi 3 patadas, mi hermano no se recuerda. Y no lo decimos a nadie. Ese día nos fuimos a casa llorando, cada paso dolía un montón. Eso no es gracioso bola de tontas! C!
Did I tell you guys about when was caught with my pecker in the pickle slicer?
If your wife is ugly and your cock is dead. Pick up an illegal and put your hammer in his hand. Paul Pelosi
I’m convinced I’m a robotic being. My thoughts don’t seem to be totally my own. I have a small opening down there but no real vagina. My breasts are hollow like tin. And I have no gag reflex. The confusing part is this site continues to verify that I am not a robot.
Love sitting in my deer stand with my dick and balls hanging out in the autumn breeze. Rifle in my left hand and ridged meat in my right. Once after a kill I stood over the carcass and unloaded my gun.
My Grammar is 71 n still sexy as hell. She was stripper all her life……. Just kidding. My real grammar fantasy is that everyone on this site knew about paragraphs. Punctuation makes me wet.
I’ve heard something about taking it in the ass feeling similar to taking a shit. Repeatedly. Daryl from OSU here. If that’s so then bend me over Bubba. I love a good shit.
My name is Tiff. I wanted to know what a thick cock stretching my rearhole felt like. Most of the amateurs in porn seemed to really love it. OMG I feel so naughty just saying this!
My hubby is totally freaked out by any ass play or even talk of ass play. I brushed his butthole once when blowing him and he almost lost his hard-on.