Had to Know

I still remember my first conscious deliberate homosexual fantasy. I was probably 13 and we’ll seasoned in jerking. I don’t remember where the thought came from but I played it out. I was harder and came stronger than I ever had to any porn (magazines at the time) or thoughts of any girl. I didn’t sleep for a week for fear of what it might have meant.
Fast forward 10 years. I’m a bachelor running wild in a small town. I bed every female I can to make sure the occasional fantasy doesn’t mean anything. I always liked the moment I knew I was going to get them as much as the sex itself. Finally one night I’m drunk and watching tv. A commercial comes on about some by phone dating service. I laugh but notice a m4m insignia among the services. Curiosity got the best and I left a message. Next night I’ve had a few again and called in to check messages. I had several. One really caught my attention and I ended up exchanging numbers with him. We had a few great conversations then reality hit me and I ghosted him.
Soon after I met my wife and we got married soon after.
Five years in im not getting sex anymore, I now have internet and I’m jerking nearly exclusively to gay porn. Finally I decide I’ve got to know. I get on AFF and meet a man. We hit it off and arranged to meet in public then get a room. He went to kiss me and I was honestly repulsed but let him anyway just to get things moving. I loved it. It was hot sensual and blew my socks off. We made out for the longest time then he directed me to his cock where I sucked him off and swallowed every drop. Then he returned the favor. Post nut clarity sent me out of there as quickly as I could. I felt bad and called him the next day. Told him I was overwhelmed that I now had to admit I was bi rather than curious. He laughed. He told me I was gay, that eventually I’d know it too. He said I’d eventually not be able to get hard for her at all. I was dumbfounded. Well fast forward 15 years and I’m there. I have a confession up about that too.

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