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When you found out did you care?
Doesn’t matter; husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend… did you care when you found out they were cheating?
All relationships have amazing, great, good and loving periods (positive). Just like they have bad, terrible, awful and loathing periods (negative). Mix in the other times that aren’t really positive nor are they particularly negative they are just the everyday and “voilà”, you have a relationship.
I hear so often that “you made a commitment to each other in front of god, the church and your family. it’s your responsibility to make it work.” I might get some shit for this but I don’t care. Your commitment is to each other, yes that is true. But I feel your commitment to each other includes you as individuals. Not in a selfish way but in a “I want my SO to be happy with me, us but also themselves. When people say the whole “commitment piece to god and the church”, well that is the church’s and religious peoples rough equivalent of slut shaming. Given some of the churches and religious peoples track records on commitment and sex scandals, well to that I say, “You do you and I’ll do me.”
Of course my hope for all couples is that their relationship is filled with love, happiness, laughter, talking and listening and of course amazing fucking sex. However, real world relationships are not fairytales. There are no princesses and princes in the real world (OK yes there are Harry and Megan, but I bet they yell at each other from time to time). SO may start out feeling like and treating each other as royalty but it doesn’t stay that way. I’m not saying the we’re hiding their true self. Its just life, work, family, finances… the pressures of everyday life does affect people in relationships. As a couple and as individuals.
My questions are these:
1) When you found out that your SO was cheating, did you care?
Or was your relationship so bad and you were so sad, depressed, miserable… that you didn’t care?
You response was completely without emotion. Just an “Oh. OK.”, “Well maybe they will be happier?”, “Oh really? Ok. Umm.. have you seen my glasses?” Or some other non emotional, non judgmental, non caring, non feeling response?
2) How did you find out?
Did you catch them, were they acting weird, they just come out and tell you? If they told why? To hurt you or just let you know?
3) Did they try to blame their cheating on you? Did you feel you pushed them away? Was their blaming you true or just a defense for their cheating?
4) Because the two of you had a relationship and thought you needed to try to repair it and stay together? Did you? Did it work?
Given that this is all anonymous, I would really like to know what your real feelings were.
Thanks
I don’t care that she sleeps with other men. We have a great relationship. Her libido picked up out of no where at 50. I work odd hours and am not home when she gets horny so she fucks a friend of hers. I found out by walking in from work and she was naked on the couch riding him. Sexiest thing I’ve personally seen
I do care but I'm too afraid of loosing her. On the days she makes me lunch to have at work I know that she will be seeing him. I go home and spy and cry through the windows . I keep telling myself it's just sex and she loves me. I know I am not good at sex and she probably just needs release.
Really? You actually believe that?
Have you ever confronted her about her extramarital affairs?
No I didn't care that she was fucking someone else. She said that he was a better fuck than me. And that it was my fault because I talked about her fucking other guys and that I worked all night. The only problem was that she started fucking a lot of different guys even in are house
1. No. I didn’t care at all.
2. She told me. Said she was seeing a man and she didn’t want to stop. Said she couldn’t stop.
3. She did blame me. Said I wasn’t the man she wanted and she needed man that could treat her like she wanted to be treated.
4. I agreed with her and told her she should keep seeing him. Then told her I would start dating too while we went through the divorce.
This is all second hand knowledgeable from a mutual friend of my ex-wife and myself.
**My ex-wife’s bf was 22 years older than her. When they started dating she was 29 and he was 51.
**He must of had magic powers or something (probably more like a magic dick) but this guy suggested they have a semi-open relationship. They couldn’t have sex with anyone else by themselves but they could have all the 3somes (MFF, FMF, MFM) they wanted to which my ex-wife eagerly agreed.
**Apparently this lasted for several months until they met a woman at the gym. She was younger than my ex-wife by a few years. My ex-wife is the one who introduced her into their relationship.
**Supposedly they were I guess a triple for a few months.
^2 people in a relationship is called a couple so I’m guessing 3 people in a relationship is called a triple. I’m certain in today’s world there is a recognized term for 3 people in a relationship but I don’t know what it is.
**He ended up dumping my ex-wife for the other woman in their triple.
**All in my ex-wife and her bf lasted a couple of years.
**It’s not funny but it kinda is. Maybe it was karma’s way of telling her you might be young and beautiful but there will always be someone younger and more beautiful.
I do kinda feel bad for her. Mainly because I did love her at one time and she isn’t a horrible person. Quite the opposite. She is a good, beautiful and intelligent woman. It’s just we were so bad together and she needed something that wasn’t me.
I have known a few women who have left their husbands only to end up being used and discarded after a year or two. I don’t know why I like that idea of a women being used and thrown away. I’m a dick perhaps.
1) betrayed. Angry. Saw my future disappearing.
2) suspected for a while. Distant and change in behavior. Unexplained absences. Listened to a phone message.
3) yes. Gaslighting… “you’re crazy. Imagining. Nothing going on…” after discovery it was all kinds of excuses.
4) yes. I made some hard limits. No more secret passwords, went to counseling, stopped being a pushover meaning I called out her bullshit instead of letting it slide. No surprise trips to the store… Before, we were partners, now it’s more old fashioned…. I’m in charge… I’m easy to get along with but no means no. An example is that a few years after the affair, she asked about being able to exercise regularly with a male friend. Before I would have said I don’t think it’s a good idea, she would have made the decision. Now I say what I really think, hard no. She tried to reason but I held my limit. I am fair and considerate. I’m not mean about it, I just say this is a hard no. If there is any question in my mind, I dig into it and clear it up. If anyone doesn’t like what I just said, know that I don’t abuse her and she knows she can walk out at any time with more than half our stuff. Let me rephrase that, I will leave her with it, no screaming and yelling.
Was I devastated? Yes. Is our marriage better? Yes. Is it good? Yes. Do I trust her? More with each day. There have been set backs and we work on them.
But it will never be the same. Married 24 years. The affair was 17 years ago and lasted maybe 5 months (mostly long distance.)
Did you ever ask about the sex they had?
How he fucked her?
What did she do for him sexually?
Where did he cum?
Did she swallow?
Was she a slut for him?
And of course, how big was his cock?