Had to do what I made her do

When I was in high school, I met a girl who was a couple of years older than me, and she took me to her place at lunch hour for sex. Seems simple enough, right? We got naked, she got between my legs and sucked me off. Ducked my cock, ass and balls, made a point of spreading my cheeks and shoving her tongue right up inside. Finished in her mouth and she gargled my cum before gulping it down. Seemed too good to be true even....
We go back after school and I meet her single dad - who’s been having sex with her since her mom died when she was 8. Says I can’t be with her unless I give what I get. Drops his pants around his ankles and says I owe him a blowjob. I stare at his huge hard cock and there is no way I can do this. He pulls out a pipe and shows me how to smoke meth. I smoke waaaay too much, not knowing it takes a few hours to really kick in, and the next thing I know I’m sucking this guys dick, shoving my tongue up his ass, and swallowing a big mouthful of his nasty cum - and some part of me is actually liking it. So fucked up... but then I hear she really likes it up the ass, which I would love to give but not receive, or so I thought. Turns out getting fucked up the ass can make you cum 10x harder without even being hard or touching your dick at all. Ya; it also hurts like hell at first every time too. And it’s not as fun sucking it clean as it was making her do it. My dad found out about everything because my “girlfriend” was fucking him, and I never could tell if he loved it or hated it. He definitely loved jerking off into my mouth and watching me swallow, never touched me otherwise, cuz he’s not a faggot - which makes me one I guess, when I’m high at least. I’m like Jekyll and Hyde. Completely opposite with no interest in men at all when I’m sober. Disgusts me really. I don’t see it as gay, I see it as being the woman and not the guy in all the porn.
We went on doing all this meth induced gay shit for months, and now I can’t drink or do any drugs without turning into a filthy pornstar - who thinks he’s a women, apparently. I even had a season where I was Fully body waxed smooth and wearing thigh high black stockings with garterbelt and dog collar. A woman I know did my make up and clothing, hid as much of my junk as she could with a thong under my skirt, and I already had really long hair. I was very passable as a 25 year old 145lbs woman, and I was for hire and in demand. Good money getting high and fucking. Most never knew or found out I was a guy, and the few who did never told anyone cuz they fucked a guy.
Anyways. I’ve probably been with as many men as I have women, which is a lot. Don’t think I’ll ever commit to any real relationship, wouldn’t be fair to anyone. I can’t seem to quit the drugs or the gay sex entirely, and I’ve been in recovery, treatment, therapy and counselling for years. I’m so much better than I used to be, but I’m still not “normal”

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  • FREAK !!!!

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