My Wife and I are not into the same things...

So I want to start off by saying I’m an FA (or Fat admirer). I’m not into any of the extreme stuff that some other FA’s are into (such as force feeding or gaining or anything like that) I’m just purely attracted to a bigger woman. I like curves, I like bigger parts to hold onto a night, and I love being with someone who isn’t consistently worried about their weight.
My wife isn’t a big person by any means. She would be categorized as probably chubby or plump, and for the longest time she was okay with that. She was so body positive that she didn’t mind any of the negative criticism that came our way, and that was partly why I fell in love with her!
Her personality, her style, her looks, her love, all of those together made me fall for this woman. Naturally, as with most relationships, her and I put on some weight over the years of dating and marriage. Honestly, I loved the extra weight on her, but she didn’t. At first her and I didn’t think much of the gain. We were happy to be together and that’s what mattered.
Now, my wife’s body positivity is completely gone. She tells me how she hates her looks, how she wishes she had never enjoyed food, and how she needs to lose weight. She is clearly not happy with her body, and I want to help her.
She means everything to me but unfortunately this is where things get complicated. Going back to the beginning, I’m a Fat Admirer, I love a woman with curves. I’m totally on board with my wife losing weight to be happy and healthy, for her to feel more beautiful. But a few questions have been coming up in my mind, how much weight is she willing to lose? What if she loses too much? What if her whole lifestyle switches from being carefree and loving to self-centeredness and controlling?
My mother has always been the opposite of my wife, she has always been a twig who only ever ate fruit and salads. In my eyes she never enjoyed anything out of life, only her own self image. And I’m terrified of my wife turning into that. Again, I truly love my wife and I support her. I don’t want to come in the way of her wants/needs, which is why I’m seeking some advice.
What do you all think of this? Should I have a full discussion about this with my wife and try to find a middle ground? Should I just forget about my wants and only help her with hers, or vice versa? What do you think? Any constructive feedback will be appreciated. Thank you.

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  • By all means, talk to her. Something, or, someone has made her self-conscious about her weight and looks. Or, perhaps she has health concerns. If that's the case, then you need to put your wants aside, and help her in her struggle.

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