My teen years

I had a pretty normal childhood right up until about eleven years old. My dad was killed in a car accident one morning on his way to work and my mom pretty much fell completely apart.
We both talked to counselors and grieved both separately and together but her life just was not going to good for her and I was not the best son I could have been. Hormones were raging for me in my teens and she would get so wasted on pills and alcohol that she never even knew what planet she was on most of the time. She became this puppet who would do whatever she was asked to do and sometimes I would think she was faking it and wondered if she was used to being treated that way.
I started out just feeling her up under her clothes when she was passed out but it quickly went to full nudity and more than just running my fingers over her. She was literally my sex toy all the time and it drives me crazy to this day that I did all of that with her. I would get home from school and actually walk fast or jog home hoping she was high and out of it so she could give me a blow job or more. My mom was only in her thirties when I was in my teens and to tell you the truth she was very attractive. I would guess her figures were around a 38 D 28 with round hips probably a 34-36 size. Her nipples were like bottle tops, large and like a mound with a thimble on it, they were so much fun to play with and suck on. She was very oral and often would suck me well beyond my orgasm and into another one, she never asked me to stop and I think that is what kept me doing this for years. She would often come to my room late at night and give me a blow job.
I also enjoyed her being naked or just wearing a t shirt around the house, I would turn up the heat a little bit and undress her, she never really cared and would just stay that way.
I could always tell when she was not medicated though because she would not smile at all and her eyes were puffy then after a few days her smile would come back and her words were slower. I remember a few times on the weekends where she would just sleep all day and night. I was not a good son to her and I blame myself a lot for not being more mature and not using her like that but I cannot change the past. I probably stopped doing it when I was around eighteen or so then I joined the military and was living overseas. I cried when I got a call from the police telling me she had passed away in what appeared to be an overdose, they found her in her bed like she was sleeping but unfortunately it looked like she had died around three days earlier.
So I live each day now wondering if my dad had never died how our lives would have turned out, would I have ever thought of doing these things if she was not passed out or is this just what happens when your a teenager and not able to control your impulses.

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  • Wow. Sorry for your losses.

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