My friend made a confession; my wife confirmed it

This is a bit of a lengthy story so I apologize in advance. This is a confession from me; I am not upset at what happened but want to memorialize my story and say thank you to my friend, my brother Jay, may he rest in peace.

Late last year, I got a call from a friend, he'd gone off the radar for a couple of years and I had not heard from him until the call in late November. We spoke for a while and Jay asked if we could get together for lunch.

Jay and I were law enforcement professionals, partners for 5 years. He trusted me with his life and I trusted him with mine, often putting that trust on the line during very difficult work situations. Jay was single, and in his late 20's while I was married and in my mid 30's. Jay was an absolute delight of a human being and he adored my kids and always made my wife laugh.

We met a couple of days after our phone call. When I first saw him I could not believe my eyes; the man I remembered, 6'-3", pure muscle, African American man was thin and sickly. Unfortunately I learned that my friend was sick, and his days were counted. He told me he wanted to make amends for some things he had done in the past but needed time to find the right words. I told him I would be there and I’d listen to anything he had to say.

We enjoyed our time together that day, reminiscing about our days as cops, the good and the bad of our careers and how the stress of the job affected us. We parted ways but promised to stay in touch and to meet for lunch again, soon.

About a week later we met for lunch. He started off the conversation by telling me how much he loved my family, how grateful he was to have met my family and all of the positive memories he has and will have until his last day. His confession though, left me confused, numb, but not mad or upset.

Jay confessed to me that he came on to my wife during one of the many gatherings we attended, fueled by a bit of alcohol. He added that he let the alcohol get the best of him and kissed my wife. He pleaded he did not want to cause a rift between my wife and I but felt the burden of what happened too overwhelming and he needed to confess before he died, he begged me not to let this paint a bad picture of the excellent wife and mother my wife has been.

I told him I understood and that it was just a simple kiss and I was not upset over that. He continued and said that it was just not a simple kiss….this is when he dropped the part of the confession that left me dumbfounded.

Jay said that a couple of days after the get together at which he and Sophia kissed he called her to apologize (it took him a couple of days to come up with the courage to do so). He said she listened and after his apology she said there was not need for the apology; that she enjoyed the kiss and had often thought about kissing him especially whenever they hugged to say goodbye. He said this surprised him but left it at that. He and Sophia texted back and forth after that and things appeared to be back to normal. One day he thought he saw her at a local restaurant/bar with some of her co-workers and texted her (this bar was a place Sophia frequented with some of her team on Fridays just to let of a bit of steam and to have drinks) and she responded that she was. He mentioned that he saw her group as he passed by and that he was at another bar nearby.

Jay mentioned that she asked how long he’s be there but before he could answer she said she’d meet him for a drink in a bit. Jay did not think this unusual and thinking things were back to normal said yes, he would wait. She arrived a few minutes later, she gave him a warm hug and then they worked their way out to the patio area of the bar. There, they ordered drinks and went about having a good/friendly conversation this, until she asked him why he kissed her. He said he almost stood up to leave but he figured he needed to explain to her because perhaps she was upset over the kiss.

He told her he was sorry, that it was the alcohol that made him do it. She told him she was glad he kissed her, that she enjoyed the kiss and she could not stop thinking about the kiss and how it made her feel. She went on to confess to him how good it felt to be in his arms while they kissed and how her body felt during the kiss. She went on to ask him if he enjoyed the kiss and he told her that he did. She asked him if they could kiss again and at first he told her no, that he could not do that to me, his friend. Eventually one thing led to another and she was in his arms, they kissed passionately and as much as he tried to stop, he could not. Things led from the bar to the parking structure, where they kissed, groped each other.

Jay said they did not speak much, just kissed and touched each other. He recalled asking her what was next for them and she answered, “Whatever you want”. His horniness got the best of him, he opened the passenger door to his car and she got in. They drove to his condo and they had sex; he did not go into detail; tearfully he apologized and begged me not to be upset at my wife, he took the blame for everything that happened, that he had failed me and could not leave this earth without my forgiveness.

I told him I was not mad at him, that I love him like a brother and that things would not be different between he and I; between my wife and I.

Today I think back at the get togethers, family and work and the interactions between us all, my wife and Jay in particular. I remember the way my wife would look at him, the clothes she wore whenever we prepared for those get togethers and how she would ask if Jay would be there; often switching what she would wear based on my answer. I now remember the times she would wear tight jeans to the get togethers (knowing Jay would be there) and the way he would stare at her body, how she would always make it a point to be close to Jay or at least within view of him. I recall one day asking my wife what she thought about Jay and her quickly answering that Jay was a very good looking man. Funny thing is that whenever Jay brought a date to the get togethers, the woman always had a look similar to Sophia; big ass, curly hair, Hispanic, petite.

I thought about how I would go about this confession from Jay, thinking it would be best to burry it deep in my brain and just forget about it. However one day I decided to tell Sophia that I have been in contact with Jay, she smiled and asked how he was doing, and I told her that he was terminal. She cried for bit, and said she was sorry, her tears were genuine and reflected how great of a friend he had been to the two of us. She kindly remembered how great he had been with our children when they were young and how good a friend he had been to us.

I also told her he had confessed something to me; she looked terrified and I told her that I was not upset or in need of any explanation. She told me she knew what Jay confessed about and started to apologize. I stopped her and told her there was no need to apologize, that I was not upset and that whatever happened, happened between two friends that had love and respect for each other. Nothing else was said that day.

I remained in touch with Jay and I urged Sophia to reach out to him to at least say goodbye. We learned in early January of his passing; I spent as much time as I could with him at hospice before his passing. Sophia was with me a couple of times, the three of us laughed and cried however never bringing up the confession. Shortly after his passing, Sophia and I took a weekend trip out of town. I began to remember Jay, laughing loudly at some of the many occurrences we had while patrolling our city. I told Sofia one of the stories and we both laughed our asses off!

Sophia said she needed to get things off her chest related to Jay. I told her there was no need, however she pressed, saying she needed to make things right; that I had a right to know.

She went on to recall that day, she did have a bit to drink and noticed that Jay was constantly staring at her. She did acknowledge that she would always wear tight jeans when she knew Jay would be at a get together because she knew he would be staring at her, checking her out. She said the day they kissed was at a birthday get together at a coworkers house. She said she walked outside to get some air and noticed Jay walked out behind her. It was dark and only a few people were outside. Jay approached her and said, “Hey beautiful”, and she told him, Hey handsome”. He took her hand and said he wanted to show her something, taking her to the fence border of the property which oversees the Pacific Ocean. They were alone and he told her he wanted to kiss her, and they kissed. She said it was a nice kiss and confessed that she really enjoyed it and had thought about kissing him before. He said a lot of things to her but she thought it was the alcohol, he told her she was sexy, how good she looked in jeans and how much he wanted her. She said she let him kiss her again, he started grinding against her but they stopped when the heard voices nearby.

Nothing happened after that, a few days later they continued texting each other as if nothing had happened (she thinking it was just an alcohol fueled knee jerk reaction). She recalled the day when they met at the bar. She remembers getting a text from him; he was trying to be funny and texted something about seeing a big ass like hers at a bar. When she realized that they were not to far from each other she decided to visit him at the bar. She said she was nervous but excited at the same time furthermore, she had been thinking a LOT about the kiss. She did not know quite why she wanted to see him, but she wanted to see him. She said that after a while (and a drink) they just started kissing again, she apologized to me saying she should have stopped him but she could not. ....continued in part 2

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