Married for one reason, staying for another

I live in a world of shadows. I am a lesbian and my husband married me so that I could get my papers legally. Homosexuality in my country, although technically legal, is socially unacceptable. It is worse for lesbians, as women should be married and have a home and children. With a man.

Our original agreement was that I would not have to surrender to him for sex. That agreement no longer stands, he called it a farce and as his wife he demands sex from me. I can do the intercourse part but oral sex I can't do. When he performs oral sex on me I have to leave my body on a journey to some fantasy place. He is very good at triggering orgasms in me, wish that my previous lesbian lovers could have done the same.

He recently decided he would have sex from from the day my period ended until the day my period began again, of course the goal is that my period never begins again. It has been so hard getting pregnant, he wants children underfoot and where else to get them than from me. I am his wife. He has made up his mind that for better or for worse means that lesbian or not I am his wife and he is keeping me. And I have made up my mind, lesbian or not I'm staying in the marriage.

I'm well aware that he is putting on airs, but married to him gives me far more than what I lose. When you are desperate you agree to something, and then you find out that only a fool would give up what I have. I have to put children underfoot and cement this marriage now. There is a contender at his work.

She is younger and very charismatic and vivacious, and very pretty too. She gives herself to him and let's nature take its course. I have to become pregnant first, I can't possibly have his mistress get pregnant before I do. I should add that his mistress was my idea when I was playing the lesbian card. I should have picked another lesbian girl for him, but that's water under the bridge now. She is focusing her energies on a pregnancy any time now. I'm as fertile as she is, so the race is on.

I have decided that I won't leave the marriage. In my country I would have been married away several years ago and I would have two or three children by now. I'm just starting later, with a man of my choice, not my family's, and a man who can easily afford me and his mistress and any number of children we can produce. We will have a large family for him, of that I'm sure.