More than a woman.

It may be over but it won't stop there
I am here for you if you'd only care -- James Blunt (Goodbye My Lover)

My name is Gabby, and I'm confessing this three years after high school graduation. Usually, kids are happy to be out of school as it means that they are knocking on the door of adulthood, but for me it was bittersweet. You see I took a significant chance and had it blow up in my face. I told the woman I was pinning for just how I felt about her and got my heart broken into a thousand pieces.
The woman in question was my high school math teacher, Ms. Greta Garcia. The dice were loaded from the start with her. Ms. Garcia was married with children. I knew that, but I found myself falling in love anyway. She was just so perfect. Greta was smart, kind, understanding, and pretty. Her hair was long and dark like midnight, her eyes deep brown, and her lips were inviting. For the last two years of school, I had her for Algebra and then calculus, and I enjoyed every minute.
I was a love-struck Romeo, and my friends knew it and teased me about it. I sat right in front of the class and volunteered for everything. Once in class, she said, "If all my students were like you Gabby, I would have the easiest job ever."
That gave me a tingling sensation all over.
I did have my naughty thoughts too. I would touch myself in the shower while imagining Ms. Garcia walking into the shower, naked of course, and getting in with me. Under the steamy water, we'd kiss, probe, and whisper words of love to each other. Just like the other girls in my school who were totally love and would write the boy's name over and over on their book covers or in a diary, I would too... only it was the name Greta Garcia that I would write above my own and draw a heart around it. One Valentine's Day I wrote her a love letter and dedicated the song Romeo and Juliet by the Dire Straights to her. She never even acknowledged the letter one way or the other. Of course, out of fear, I didn't sign it.
Later I saw my letter in the trash. I cried all night, but I didn't blame her, how could she have known?
As my time in that school drew to an end, I decided that I could not live with myself if I didn't tell Ms. Garcia how I felt about her. On that last day I walked into her room just as she was taking things down. I offered to help, and we both worked together. The world around me disappeared and it all was suddenly just she and I. She told me that she was so proud of me for graduating at the top of my class and that I deserved all of the good things in life because I was a hard worker and dedicated. In the middle of her statement, I just blurted out, "I love you, Greta."
She just stood there, silent. I repeated myself adding, "I needed to tell you because I want to know if there is any chance between us."
Ms. Garcia was a woman of about 38 years of age, with a son in my same school and a girl in middle school. As I said she was married to a man and had been so for about 16 years. I knew all this, but I still wanted to make my move. She shook her head in disbelief, but before she could utter a word I blurted out, "I want to be with you. I want the two of us to run away from this place and disappear together."
I could see in her eyes that she knew I was serious, and then she crushed me by telling me to get out of her class. She added, "If you don't leave right now Gabby, I will tell principal Anderson and your parents about all of this." I told her I was eighteen and out of school, so there was nothing for us to fear from school personnel or my parents. She walked over to her door and held it open for me to leave. My whole world fell apart.
I trodded to the door, paused next to her, and made a move to kiss her, but she turned away. Her rejection of me was complete.
At graduation the following day, I saw her talking with some other students on the football field and approached her. She gave me a serious look, but I still wanted to say my piece. "I'm sorry Ms. Garcia. I didn't mean to freak you out or offend you. I just needed to know."
She nodded and said, "I understand. Good luck with everything, Gabby."
She walked away disappearing into the crowd, and that was that.
Three years later, now really into the whole college scene and working on a STEM degree, I have a girlfriend named Debra. She is a drama major and a really good lover. I'm no longer a virgin thanks to her wonderful fingers, tongue, and toys, but I wish that my first time would have been with Ms. Greta Garcia. Even if nothing ever happened between us I will always consider her my first true love.

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