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Friends turning to possible relationship?
I've know this woman for over 20 years, the last 5 very well. We date just to get out for dinners and drinks, someone to spend time together with and not be alone all the time. The first date we went on she told me no sex, she does not like sex. I never broached the subject and was surprised she just blurted it out. Maybe she doesn't want sex with me, maybe she really dosen't like sex, I really don't know. I know she likes me a lot and I like her a lot too, I feel she's more in tune with me now and a relationship is very possible, I treat her very well and I'm very respectful, I never talk about sex with her. The thing is, if she's not sexual and really does not want sex with me or anyone else I'd never be happy with her, I need a sexual woman, not that I'm over sexed, I'm not. I have a normal sex drive and don't have any sexual hangups. We're both in our mid 50's, we both have kids from previous marriages that are all grown up. I can understand that she may not have wanted to jump into bed with me being we've been good friends for a long time, I can respect that. I'm not sure I buy she does not like sex, my last girlfriend was 3 years older than me and was horny all the time at the age I'm at now. What I'd like to know from you older mid 50's ladies is are many of you going sexless by choice, not wanting or liking sex? I do understand it could be a lack of sexual attraction toward me or lot's of other reasons she may not want sex, but really, can you go on in life without having sex when you both have become attracted enough to start a relationship? Do you think she masturbates for relief so she won't have to deal with horny guys? She's not beautiful, she's had 3 kids so I wonder if she's uncomfortable with her body and afraid to let me or anyone else to see her without cloths on. I'm sure she and I would do very well together but if there will never be sex I'm not going to go to the next level. I need to get enlightened about women in their mid 50's and there sexual needs and desires, if they have it or if they are done with sex completely.
My wife is now 54. Six year's ago she lost her sex drive and put on some weight and went into depression.
The doctor found she had a serious womb infection and had a emergency hysterectomy.
She recovered and her sex drive was better than ever before and the weight fell off.
The problem is now I have high blood pressure and have erectile problems with the medication. We all have problems at different times.
I know that all ladies in that age range are different. I would just come out and ask her why and be honest of your needs. You sound like a great person and you are right, you won't be happy with someone who refuses to meet your needs especially if it turns to marriage. That is just cheating waiting to happen and why bother with marriage if you are going to cheat. I would just ask and really try to get her to open up. If she really doesn't want it, then I wouldn't waste anymore time there. You've already said it was a need and you need to be with someone who is willing to fulfill it when you need it. Find out and try to make it work, but don't settle; you'll never be happy.
I can think of a couple of reasons. You mentioned this, and it's probably true, that she's not comfortable with her body image. That alone drives a lot of middle aged women away from sex. The other issue is how the thought of addressing sexual issues while dating might detract from the experience. If you take sex off the table right away, the date can be more relaxed and she knows you're with her because you genuinely like her.
Some women just don't have a sex drive at that age. I would have a serious talk about it, since you would not be happy without a sex life. If she really doesn't want a sex life then you need to move on.