I Am Definitely Into Public Humiliation?

I think my mom made me like this. My mom gave too much attention to my bottom when I was growing up. I got bare bottomed spankings, even at14 years old. When I'd have difficulty pooping she'd put her finger into my butt to help the poop come out. Up until I was 14 she would shower me and if I needed to go she'd make me poop while standing in the shower. When we'd sit watching TV she'd give me pills and when I couldn't hold it in I'd have to poop in my pajama pants. And she'd take me to a department store and, in a corner, she'd make me push until I pooped in my jeans and then I'd have to walk around shopping with her like that. I noticed I started to get excited before my showers or before going out with her knowing what she was going to make me do.
I grew up, married, had kids, and started a construction company. All the childhood anal stuff was forgotten. Or so I thought.
A year ago I was at Home Depot with my office manager Sue. We left the carts to go to the bathrooms. I was standing peeing when by surprise a small amount of poop escaped my butt hole. Suddenly I felt an excitement in the pit of my stomach that I hadn't felt in years. I couldn't stop myself. I pooped more into my jeans. And then, putting my hand behind me on the seat of my jeans, I pushed more out until I could feel the bump it made. By now I also had a full erection.
I rejoined sue at the shopping carts. At least 5 times I caught Sue in my peripheral vision looking down at my butt and the bump in my pants. I had to push the risk further. I had her stand behind me and hold my waist while I stepped on a low shelf to reach for something high. Her face was inches from my bottom. I thought I'd cum in my jeans knowing she must have seen and smelled me.
Recently I brought it closer to home. Not a smart idea when one has a hot looking wife 10 years younger and guys she knows just waiting to take her away from me. But I did this anyway...
One morning when the kids stayed at their grandparents my wife got up early. I knew she'd be coming to wake me for coffee. On impulse I kicked off the covers and lay there face down, naked, butt up. I got that familiar excitement feeling in my gut, but this time it was also fear. I pushed until I pooped. The poop just sat there on top of my butt. Soon the door opened and I heard my wife gasp. Then she was shaking my shoulder saying "Honey, I think you pooped in your sleep." She got a paper towel and a washcloth and helped me clean up. My humiliation was for real and intense.
As for my fear of her looking down on me...She has a close guy friend she spends time with. He doesn't like me. I confronted her recently and she admitted she talked to him about what happened. He told her I'm immature and just looking for attention from a mommy figure. Said I'm not a man for her. I'm afraid pooping myself might have pushed her into his bed.
I must NEVER bring it home again.
I still do my store thing once a week. I can't stop. I've gone to a therapist but she said that I don't want to stop.
What do I do?

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