Am I Into Humiliation?
I think my mom made me like this. My mom gave too much attention to my bottom when I was growing up. I got bare bottomed spankings, even at14 years old. When I'd have difficulty pooping she'd put her finger into my butt to help the poop come out. Up until I was 14 she would shower me and if I needed to go she'd make me poop while standing in the shower. When we'd sit watching TV she'd give me pills and when I couldn't hold it in I'd have to poop in my pajama pants. And she'd take me to a department store and, in a corner, she'd make me push until I pooped in my jeans and then I'd have to walk around shopping with her like that. I noticed I started to get excited before my showers or before going out with her knowing what she was going to make me do.
I grew up, married, had kids, and started a construction company. All the childhood anal stuff was forgotten. Or so I thought.
A year ago I was at Home Depot with my office manager Sue. We left the carts to go to the bathrooms. I was standing peeing when by surprise a small amount of poop escaped my butt hole. Suddenly I felt an excitement in the pit of my stomach that I hadn't felt in years. I couldn't stop myself. I pooped more into my jeans. And then, putting my hand behind me on the seat of my jeans, I pushed more out until I could feel the bump it made. By now I also had a full erection.
I rejoined sue at the shopping carts. At least 5 times I caught Sue in my peripheral vision looking down at my butt and the bump in my pants. I had to push the risk further. I had her stand behind me and hold my waist while I stepped on a low shelf to reach for something high. Her face was inches from my bottom. I thought I'd cum in my jeans knowing she must have seen and smelled me.
Recently I brought it closer to home. Not a smart idea when one has a hot looking wife 10 years younger and guys she knows just waiting to take her away from me. But I did this anyway...
One morning when the kids stayed at their grandparents my wife got up early. I knew she'd be coming to wake me for coffee. On impulse I kicked off the covers and lay there face down, naked, butt up. I got that familiar excitement feeling in my gut, but this time it was also fear. I pushed until I pooped. The poop just sat there on top of my butt. Soon the door opened and I heard my wife gasp. Then she was shaking my shoulder saying "Honey, I think you pooped in your sleep." She got a paper towel and a washcloth and helped me clean up. My humiliation was for real and intense.
As for my fear of her looking down on me...She has a close guy friend she spends time with. He doesn't like me. I confronted her recently and she admitted she talked to him about what happened. He told her I'm immature and just looking for attention from a mommy figure. Said I'm not a man for her. I'm afraid pooping myself might have pushed her into his bed.
I must NEVER bring it home again.
I still do my store thing once a week. I can't stop. I've gone to a therapist but she said that I don't want to stop.
What do I do?
You just need to control your kink. I have realized the turn on of pooping. I just do it in secret I know I can't get away with walking around with it. But I can poop my underwear in the bathroom or even in certain situations when I am alone. I also have sensitive nipples so I love pooping while i pinch both nipples.....
I have a really fat wife (over 700lbs) who poops in public all the time. I think it is because her parents have been ashamed of her since she was a child. At age 9 she weighed over 300lbs...They were mortified at having such an obese child and kept her hidden away from public view as much as possible. I guess they saw it as a direct reflection on them but at the same time never took responsibility for her weight and diet... My wife really resents them for it and everytime she is now out in public she just lifts her dress and shits like a horse in the street when the need arises... I've talked to a few psychologists about this and they agree that she is subconsciously giving the finger to her parents and society in general when she poops in public. It's an act of revenge and resentment. I just think it's kind of cool seeing an enormous SSBBW struggling to squat somewhere and dropping a huge steaming load.