Everyone I loved wronged me
People think I am too straight person but the truth is I have been a honest person but for minor things like one time when a old guy sexually assaulted me I sent him heaps of free stuff in magazines to him house from books, to products and services for all kinds of things and to be honest someone did a similar thing to me. they sent all these weird phone callers and knocking at doors strange people to our house for big parties who just wreck everything and party til all hours and send me catalogue for Christmas hampers, purchases and stole postage on us and send lingerie overseas magazines to us and just because I do a lark like sending stuff doesn't make me a bad person. like none of my relatives ever wanted to know or help me or come and talk to me about what was wrong. none of them loved me enough to think "something is wrong" when all the warning signs were there. they hated me openly. I am so sick of hearing how "tough men are great" and "tough parents kick ass make better parents" no they don't. no one cared to help me that I was being assaulted by several older men or when I was ill. no one gave me the love I needed. when I was raped I was patted on the back and told to "chip up buttercup" by a stupid gay from usa in a social group and my doctor has openly said to me that I do not need tough bullying around me. he said "that woman who said to you I have to be tough" he said "no you don't have to be tough, I am telling you you don't have to take on what she says about her choices, it doesn't apply to you, be kind to yourself"
I get worried everyone hates me because I am not this perfect person but they would never allow me to be the woman I wanted to be. so how can I pretend to be happy when I am not. I make do as I have limited options and until people like me and I have more rights and activism to disability and being ignore, is there a category for the ignored single white short ass average catholic ? my doctor wants the bullies to stop abusing me. does any one else understand this being ignored for relationships, sx and jobs and friends because you illness is not obvious?