What an idiot I am

Long story short I turned down sex with the girl of my dreams.
I've been great friends with this woman for 18 years, she is fully aware I fancy the pants of her, even when she was married we still had the great friendship, I even became great friends with her husband, I'm also godparent to their two children.
Her marriage is now no longer, I'm still friends with her ex husband.
Since her divorce she has had many unhappy days which is understandable, I've always been that great friend to her.
One day I got a text from her asking do I still think and feel the same way about fancying the pants of me, after a few exchanged texts she said I want you to come to my house, I just thought she was having a bad day, when I arrived she wrapped her arms around me and wouldn't let go, she was crying and telling me she doesn't know she would of managed without my help, she then started passionately kissing and talking at the same time, saying I've always wanted to be with you, I've wanted you for a long time just never been brave enough to tell you, still kissing and talking she started undoing my trousers, that's when I backed off, believe me it wasn't for not wanting to I just knew it wasn't right on so many levels.
We are still good friends but it's not what it used to be.
I'm now beating myself up thinking if I had gone along with it would things have been any worse then they are now.
I mean come on, I would have been having sex with the girl of my dreams, surly I could have made her feel better, something might of even have come of it and we might be together as a couple.
Why did I turn down an 18 year dream

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