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Why do I?
When I was a child, my father forced me to watch several films depicting a woman being repeatedly raped. Throughout the movie he would laugh and bark mean comments at the tv(towards the woman) as she was being assaulted. I am a female and I am now 16. For whatever reason (I have no idea) I am aroused by the thought of rape.. I know its awful. And I didn't choose this. What should I do? I don't know what all this means.
Dress slutty. Go out alone to rough areas and walk around to see if you get lucky.
We remember things like that, no matter who or how we watched them. I remember watching the cult classic "I Spit On Your Grave", and how the guys raped that woman bent over on a rock, at her house with a bottle, on the ground, and all kinds of graphic ways. I even reference it in a paper in college. Same with the rape scene, in full when they show it, in "The Accused". Some things are so awful that the bad side of our brains get aroused or turned on by them. When I first saw the woman getting raped on the rock, back bent over and legs spread while the guys traded turns, I was horrified. Then the bad part of my brain got a little turned on by it, how they had her so physically exhausted and back-bent. I was able to stop that from getting me going, thankfully. Same with Jodie Foster being raped on a pinball machine as a roomful of guys chanted the number of times the rapist entered her. Horrified, then a little revved-up, then, back to horrified.
Your father was wrong to expose you to that violent porn. I am in agreement with everything the first person wrote.
The 'rape fantasy' is very common among women, and there is nothing wrong with such fantasies. Lots of adults role play this fantasy with a safe, sane, loving partner. For some women the thought of being 'forced' to have sex removes the guilt or shame they may feel at performing sexual acts. Many women enjoy a submissive role in the bedroom. This is very natural and there is nothing wrong with any of this. Having sexual fantasies is natural. Everyone has them, though we seldom discuss them with those we know.
You sound like a strong, intelligent young lady. That you have sought out help and advice shows that you're smart and resourceful. I suggest that you follow through with this and speak with a counselor. They may help you understand how normal you are, and help you deal with any confused feelings these experiences with your father may have evoked.