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How to forgive myself?
I've posted this on other sites as well. I'm not a troll, I'm just looking for advice.
I know it's long, but please read. I'm a teen, and something happened a few years ago. When I was smaller, around 11, I was on a chat from a website. I was really bored, and a boy came to the chat. We started talking as I was, as said earlier, bored. He told me that he was 15, which didn't matter to me at the time. He started telling me about this project he was working on, where he compared nude pictures of women. He asked me to send pictures to include in his project, which I did in my naivety. I didn't realize at the time that he wasn't doing what he said he was doing. I don't remember putting my face in any of those picture, so that is slight consolation.. but I feel so awful and stupid for not realizing before. I'm so terrified that this will come back at me. I feel disgusted with myself and I can't forgive myself. I'm terrible and stupid for doing it. I feel like I gave away my own chastity, in a sense.. like I can't be pure anymore. In addition to that, when I was really little, a girl almost convinced me of having lesbian sex with her. I know now that she probably heard it from media or her parents and friends, but I didn't realize it! Luckily, that night we didn't do much because I was younger and scared that my parents would find us. I know people make mistakes, but not these kinds of mistakes. I always start thinking about this sooner or later in the day. Whenever I have a crush on someone and think about them, or when I try to be intimate with myself, I get reminded of this and I stop and feel immense guilt and regret. I'm still young, and I don't want to be burdened. I figured that letting it out and getting advice would help me. I'm not looking for attention.
I know in the future I will respond to situations differently and treat things better, but how can I forgive myself and forget about this?
Why worry about it? You're nothing special honey. We've all thought and done those types of things. You didn't do anything different than anybody else. Get past it.
Since you didn't show your face don't worry about it, think about the fact guys might be getting off looking at your pictures and fantasizing about you. Turn it into a positive. But be careful about doing it again because even if you're still a kid yourself you can still be charged with distributing kiddie porn.
Don't be so hard on yourself it's natural for kids to be naive and make these kind of errors, especially when someone had abused your trust like what happened. You should blame him and move on, like you said you have learnt a harsh lesson and won't make the same mistake again, but you can't let it get in the way of future relationships. We have all made mistakes!
I know you feel you are worse than most people, but you aren't. Lots of people do things when they're younger just like you're talking about, and then feel bad about it for a long time. The first thing you need to know is that you are surrounded by people who are hiding things about themselves that may surprise you.
There is an innocence in the naive way children experience and learn about their world. Do not ever beat yourself up for things you did as a child. It was doing those things that taught you who you are. We make our mistakes as children so we don't have to make them as much as adults.