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What I learned about my wife in counseling
I knew my wife wasn’t happy, and she was seeing a therapist. I never really asked what kind of therapist and assumed it was for emotional support. She had been seeing him for about six months when she told me that my anniversary gift was a trip with her to her therapist. She said that she had some things that she wanted to share with me but didn’t want to tell me without the support of her therapist. I went in thinking; how hard could this be. I'll get lectured about listening to her and opening up about my feelings, perhaps do more chores around the house. The visit with the therapist, however, was a real eye opener.
What I learned, after my wife spent the first ten minutes very insistently telling me that she loves me deeply and does not want to get divorced, was that, although she loves me and our family, her largest issue is that I don’t please her in the bedroom. At least not like other men do. And when my wife says ‘other men do’, I learned that she has been having regular sex with other men.
When I pressed as to whom, she said it really doesn’t matter. She was not having sex with any of them for romantic interaction; she was just doing it to be physically satiated. She explained that I was not giving her what she needed as a woman. As if it is not an insult, she explained that it is all about penis size and that my five inches just doesn’t do it for her. She doesn't achieve orgasm with me. She says that the other men were not her friends in the traditional sense, it is just that they have what she needs between their legs and they know how to use it.
Now, I feel like I am having some out of body experience at this point and I am in some kind of cuckold porno. The woman that I love is seriously telling me in front of the male therapist that, although she wants to stay married, she is a size queen, and my dick doesn’t satisfy her. And that she needs to fuck men with big dicks. She apparently has thought about this a lot because she actually uses the term size queen and queen of spades when referring to herself and her sex life. I had to ask her what 'queen of spades' means. She says that means that she prefers to fuck black men, but not exclusively.
My wife tells me that she really wants to stay married to me and keep everything else the same. But I need to accept that I don’t give her the orgasms that she gets with other men. She said that she gave it a good try, but she needs more penetration in her vagina to be satisfied and happy. She says she needs both me to be her husband and the other men in her life. My head is spinning. I feel like I just got hit in the head with a baseball bat.
Now I am looking at the therapist and trying to understand what my wife is proposing. The therapist, as if it were a plausible request, explains and I just didn't understand correctly, that my wife wants to stay married to me but keep having sex with other men on the side. I'm exasperated and explain that my wife is asking me to allow her to be a hotwife and me be her cuckold husband. The therapist, without reacting, says yes that is exactly what she is asking and that I should give her what would make her happy. He goes on to say that I should give her request a trial period of say a few months to see if it works for us as a couple. I’m still trying to come to grips with the fact that my wife just confessed to actually having intercourse other men and that I should continue to allow her to do it so that she can be happy. I ask the therapist what he thinks, and he just replies that he is not there to judge. I got up and walked out.
We had a secret trial separation. Basically we lived in the same house but I slept on couch. We didn't tell anyone. My feelings were all over the place. I knew that still loved her. When we did talk, we both agreed that we wanted to stay married. At times she would say that we could just go back to the two of us. But when we dove in deeper, she confessed that she needed more to be satisfied and I knew that she would never be happy if I forced her to be monogamous.
I was curious as to whom she was seeing and she introduced me to one of her lovers, a married black man. I actually got along with him, and we had similar interests, besides my wife of course. I could see him and I being somewhat friends. We were still in our secret trial separation and I let them have sex in our bedroom while I took the kids to the park. It was a lot easier emotionally than I expected it to be. The absolutely insane thing was how much better her and I got along immediately after she had sex with him. Instead of being jealous, something clicked inside me and I got so horny for her. It had been less than an hour since she had been with him and we made love in the same bed that she had been with him.
We repeated that experience a week later, with almost the exact same results. Who knew.
I actually fell OUT of love with my husband during couple's therapy. I had the epiphany during our fifth session or so. The next time my husband was away on a business trip, I filed for the divorce.
We rented and had no kids so it was a clean break. I gathered my passport, some funds and left the U.S. I was lucky enough to reestablish myself as an expat in the EU. I met a wonderful partner and entered a long term lesbian relationship.
I had been suppressing my attraction to other females since I was ten years old trying to fit into the norms of the USA.
I actually feel free where I am, much more freedom outside the USA, especially now that the USA has that horrible child molester as a president.
Prior to going to couple's therapy my ex-wife admitted having a long term sexually incestous relationship with her older brother from age nine until she was twelve that she willingly participated in.
During therapy she absolutely refused to address this issue and went as far as denying it. In the long run we divorced
Whether this is true or not, I don’t know. It’s seriously really well written and a fairly original take on the hotwife/cuckold confession. Well done
If it works, don't overthink it. How old is your wife, by the way? My wife and I only had marital problems when she was in the 33-36 range. We're in our 50s now. She had only been with me, had baby fever (we never had kids, as I didn't want them), and she felt like she had missed out when she was younger. She was fucking male friends to get her kicks. We made it through that period and she cooled out, but I was on the verge of divorce several times with her with a couple of separations. I can't believe we made it. The only reason I didn't cut the cord with her was because we were a financial partnership and a divorce would have destroyed us both.
Why do people conflate sex with love? The two can be intertwined, and they can be completely separate. I love my wife, I love sex with other women. I do not love the other women, its only sex.