The spreadsheet

My wife and I were sitting in the living room one evening. I was watching TV, and she was surfing social media on her laptop, a very typical evening for us. Suddenly, there was a noticeable pop followed by sizzling from her laptop. Even a little puff of smoke arose from the back of the keyboard. She screamed. were worried that it would catch fire, so the laptop spent the night on the back porch. The next day, we purchased her a new laptop. She was mostly concerned about losing all the information that she had as it would not turn on. A co-worker of mine explained that I could remove the disk drive from the laptop and, with a USB hard drive adapter, retrieve the information. I ordered one and it was delivered a few days later.

I was able to remove the disk drive from her old computer and with the USB adapter, I retrieved all her files and transferred them to her new computer. It was surprisingly simple. Over the next couple weeks, as she installed programs on her new computer, she discovered that there were other additional files that needed to be transferred. As she discovered missing files, I would find them and transfer them. During this time, I also discovered a secret directory she had of personal files that she kept away from her work and family information. The next time she asked me to transfer a file, I moved the hidden directory to her new machine in the same place it was on her old computer. I think she just assumed that it was part of the process.

I need to explain that my wife’s degree is in English. She started working as a technical writer years ago for a pharmaceutical company, but she eventually found her calling as a validation engineer. Not that she was particularly good at the type of design engineering that one normally thinks of when you imagine an engineer, but she was incredibly meticulous in her documentation. Her validation job was essentially to certify that every required task was completed, verified and more importantly documented. She was amazing at her job. I would often joke that If someone wanted to know what anyone on her team had for lunch on a specific date ten years ago, I am certain that she had it recorded somewhere. She had risen to the point where she was traveling from location-to-location training other employees how to do her job. I couldn’t complain, she earned twice what I took home.

I realize that it was an invasion of her privacy, but while we were sitting across the living room, unknown to her, I was exploring the files in her personal directory. What I found was a spreadsheet. Like everything else she did, it was a detailed log. But these were not work activities. It was a detailed log of sexual encounters that she had over her career. I would like to say that it wasn’t real, but the sheer volume and detail was impressive and made it impossible to deny. The spreadsheet contained the date, start time, end time, the name of the person she was with, where it happened, categories of the type of sex they had, and even some relevant comments, like penis size. Typical of my wife, she had macros embedded in the spreadsheet that would sort the list by the different categories. Essentially the spreadsheet detailed her body count. I was shocked but very intrigued.

The first thing that I looked for was the totals. I quickly determined that my wife has had sex with 158 different men for a total of 541 separate sexual encounters, all since we have been married. A few were just oral sex but most included intercourse. The list also showed that she has had anal sex with 22 different men, something that we have only tried once when we were dating. Over three quarters of her affairs were one-night stands. The most for any one man was 52 encounters. What surprised me was the number of times that she had multiple encounters in the same day including several threesomes. She even had a gangbang where she was with five guys at the same time.

The next thing I looked for was the date of the first and last entry on her log. The first was about six weeks before our fifth anniversary. She had been on a work trip and slept with a co-worker. They had sex several times over the next few months until his name suddenly disappeared without explanation. A further search revealed that they hooked up again three times about four years later. The latest entry on her list was only a week before her computer blew up. I recognized the name but couldn’t place him. He obviously lived nearby as the location where they had sex was listed only as Home. It was obvious that she was still active in her adventures.

I am not sure where my mind went, but I remember looking at her across the room and wondering how in the hell could the woman that I had been married to for over 21 years have done this without my knowledge or me even having a clue. Our relationship seemed so normal. She asked why I was staring at her. I asked her if she knew that I loved her. She laughed and said, “Yes dear”. I asked her if she was happy. She replied, "I’m quite content.” Then she added, “Did I tell you that I am travelling for work this week?”.

I spent the next hour studying the log and looking at her. Some of names I recognized from her work. A few had even been over to the house. Most of the men were random hookups on her trips. I assumed that she must have an Ashly Madison or Tender profile. Perhaps both. My emotions were all over the place and she sensed that something was wrong. She pressed and I finally revealed that I had found the log and understood what it was. You could feel the air leave the room. I could see her debating if she was going to deny it or confess. She finally just said, ‘I’m Sorry’.

We didn’t talk for the rest of the night, and we slept in separate beds. Something that we have never done. I couldn’t sleep. I felt like I should be angry, but I wasn’t’. I was in shock. I think if she had only been with one or two men, I would be worried that she is going to leave me. But the fact that she has been with 158 different men means that she is not doing this for romantic intentions and is not planning on leaving me. At one point I used the second hand on the clock to count to 541, the number of times that she had slept with another man. It took nine minutes.

Exhausted, I finally fell asleep about five am. She woke me at six-thirty. She was dressed and needed to head to the airport for her trip. She said that none of the men meant anything to her emotionally and that she was only in love with me. She said that would understand if I divorced her. She also said that she would quit her job if that was what it took to save our marriage. I told her that I would be ok and instructed her to go ahead on her trip. We could talk when she got back. I called in sick and slept most of the day.

I know it was bad, but I didn’t take her calls for the first couple days. I was going between hurt and curious. Images of my wife fucking random men filled my head. A recurring vision was of me serving breakfast in our bed to her and a lover. I would stand next to the bed wearing only a gingham apron holding a tray of eggs, bacon and toast that I had prepared while he fucked her. The strange thing was the way that I was internalizing her actions. Whenever I thought of another man fucking her, I would get a raging hard-on and jack off, which was almost perpetual. I could not understand why her promiscuity would turn me on.
It was early evening on Wednesday before I took her one of her frequent calls. She said that she was very concerned about me and was considering coming home on Thursday. I told her that I was fine and that I just needed a few days to process everything. Reading over the log, I could assume that one of the guys, Ray, worked at the location where she was that week. She didn’t deny it, but quickly responded that they had not done anything and that she never would anything again.

I explained to her that our marriage was at a major turning point. We had three choices; we could divorce, we could stay married, or she could continue having sexual liaisons. I had been pondering those three options for the last twenty-four hours. I knew that I didn’t want to divorce her. I also knew that I could never trust her again to remain faithful. That only left me the final option. I told her that we had no other choice. I told her to sleep with Ray. She refused and said I was crazy. In detail, I explained that we only had the one option if we were to stay married. Still, she pushed back. I told her that I could accept that she was having sex with other men. I just could not deal with the uncertainty of not knowing if she was and that uncertainty would destroy our marriage. I demanded that she fuck Ray or don’t come home. Without waiting for her response, I hung up and turned the phone off.

On Friday evening, I met her as she walked through the door. I immediately asked her if she had gotten laid. She nodded affirmatively. I hugged her and we kissed. I don’t think that we ever made love so passionately as we did that whole weekend. As we sat in bed that night, we updated her spreadsheet. It wouldn’t be the last time. You are going to think that I am crazy, but she reports on her activities when she returns home and we have a stronger relationship because of it.

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