I can’t get that night out of my head.

I have a huge sexual and romantic attraction to my uncle…
I know it sounds disgusting, probably horrific but it started a month or so ago after a weird experience on his birthday. He got extremely drunk and everyone had gone to bed. So we started talking as we always do because we have always been close, but then he started asking for relationship advice saying he was lonely and has been depressed. We went on talking for a hour going back and forth, and eventually it slipped out of his mouth after he got somewhat touchy, that as he put it “I want to fuck you”.
I told him that wouldn’t happen and we talked for around 20 more minutes before I started walking him back to his house which is close to mine. Once we got inside he asked for a hug and it was far more passionate than a normal hug, nothing sexual but he almost kissed me many times however I wouldn’t meet him in the middle for it as he was drunk. This continued and then when I left he started apologizing a ton.
The issue was that I’ve always had intrusive thoughts surrounding him and probably would have given in had he not been drunk simply because I love him and admire him so much. I know it sounds sick but I honestly would have allowed it.
He’s checked me out since I was 18 and has made comments on my figure so I know that wasn’t the first time he thought about it.
But now I genuinely cannot get the feeling of his hands sliding down my curves and caressing the side of my breasts out of my head. It took so much self control to not start making out with him but ever since it’s been stuck and all I’ve wanted to do is ask him was if he meant that. But I doubt anything like this will happen again and I know I sound sick for even thinking this…
Is there something mentally wrong with me or is this actually natural like some psychologists say? I feel like a monster… like it feels so right to want to have a deep, passionate relationship with him but I know it’s wrong… what should I do…

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