Roadside rage fistfight results

I'm old, average and fat. So, when I cut off a car in traffic, I had NO intention of escalating it beyond middle fingers. After work rush hour traffic was slow and such that the guy got next to me and was able to have a heated conversation. He accused me of cutting him off on purpose. I did and admitted it. He was driving unsafely and my cutting him off made him be safer. He wanted us to pull over and fight over it. The guy was tall, young and fit looking. No thank you.

He kept insisting so instead of heading his taunts I countered with what I knew to be absurd incentives. If he won, I get to screw the woman in his car in their back seat, if I won, HE had to suck me. Variants and stuff like this... I assumed he'd realize it wasn't worth it or traffic would allow us to part ways. I was wrong.

Just when I thought I'd be able to get off the freeway, one ramp early, and ditch this guy, he AGREED that If I won, I could screw his woman but if he won, and he likely would, I still get a topless bj from her. He wanted to hit me THAT bad.
We were now getting dangerously close to my place. I pulled over. So did they.

I'm not helpless in a fight, but I didn't figure to win. It had been thirty years since my last fight, and I lost. I was in damage control mode, hoping others would pull over, intervene and stop us before it got bad. My plan was to back away when he threw and when I could, dive in for a takedown, to eliminate his height and reach advantage. If I was LUCKY, I could use my bulk to hold him down and too close for him to do damage.

I wasn't lucky at first, he made me pay for it in hard blows and verbal taunts. He was faster and longer than me. On my second takedown attempt I got him down. I soon got him in full mount. He didn't seem to know what to do to get out of full mount, or to avoid my elbows so I ground and pounded him on the hot asphalt until he verbally tapped out. I was a bit shocked he never rolled to his belly. When I was hitting him, I kept thinking about a rear naked choke. Nope. Not this time.

As we separated, I felt I was just as shocked as he was that I survived as the winner. I expected them to welch but neither did. Screwing her on their back seat was the first time I ever cheated on my wife. I didn't really enjoy it, as my mind worried about getting caught by police, catching a disease from her (we didn't use a rubber) but I felt like I earned it and HAD to step up and drill her due to the unique circumstances of the situation.

It was a very dumb thing to do and I'm lucky that everything worked out. I won't be doing that again. I wish I could tell my wife the details of that day and why I came home looking beat up but relieved and happy.

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