My wife is hypersexual, but she also has mental illness
I have a question regarding when a mentally ill woman is responsible or not responsible for her actions.
My wife is diagnosed with bipolar disorder with schitzo symptoms as well.
I try to be as understanding as I can, but she pushes limits and tells me details when she demonstrates poor judgement.
She's 24 and up until the past year or so, we have been great together and she had no issues.
Until she was diagnosed and put on medication. She had two lengthy stays in psychatric wards and has been released as an out-patient.
I can tell when she is not taking her medication as she gets ramped up and is hyper sexual, meaning that she is very easily stimulated to act out sexually.
She's actually too honest about it and feels bad after every event that involves poor judgement that results in a sexual transgression.
I want to support her and don't want to put her into a depression, but I also think she could be more accountable for her activities.
The latest example is that she pretends not to understand how easily men are turned on, and puts herself in situations where things could get out of hand.
I also have problems getting her to wear a bra and panties under her t-shirt and shorts here at our complex.
She says it's too hot for that and no one can "see anything" anyway.
It's true that lots of people around here don't wear much.
She went to out laundry room which is down a side passage towards the alley behind our complex. She goes when most people aren't doing laundry so she doesn't have to wait for machines.
You guessed it, no underware "again" . When I got home from work, she had her rings on the kitchen partition and said she didn't deserve to be married to me.
I put them back on her and said nothing could ruin "us" and asked what she was talking about?
She said she was only going to tell me about it once and didn't want to be asked again.
Ok, what happened?
She was in the laundry room, and our property manager was in there doing maintenance on the machines and checking in on things. We're friends with him and talk quite a bit when we drop off our check each month, so he's a really nice guy.
Well, according to her, he complimented her on how fit she was looking and said she was a great swimmer etc.
She said that he scanned her body with his eyes as he said that. She asked if her legs looked too muscular for her upper body? That was on purpose so he would look again. See, this was kind of planned in my opinion.
She also asked if he could tell if she had panty lines through her terri-cloth shorts.
He basically said he didn't think she was wearing any underwear and definitely no bra.
She said that he better watch his eye manners or me might get himself into trouble.
He didn't think there could be any trouble and apologized for looking at her body, but reminded her that she asked.
I know she was flirty, I know her too well.
She said that he looked like he had a bulge going on there. And she asked him how he felt being looked at like that!
He said he didn't care and had nothing to hide. But he's a guy, so.
She said guys have more to see than women do, women basically have nothing down there and guys have penises!
He laughed and said prove it! So she did a quick dip of her shorts. Yep, she flashed him in the laundry room but said you can't really see anything anyway unless the shorts went all the way down so it didn't count
She invited him to feel her muscle and flexed her arm.
He did and got close to do that and it was pretty much a foregone conclusion that parts were about to touch.
She said she was turned on and couldnt' help it.
She invited him to feel her largest muscles, that would be her glutes.
And of course, he did!
Then he confessed that he definitely had a full blown erection, that she was hot.
She looked at his shorts and wanted to "see it".
She said try to flash me that thing.
So, he did, he pulled a shorts leg up and there it was. He wasn't wearing underwear either.
She said that was ugly, but she bet him it would probably feel good to his girlfriend.
He confirmed that she didn't have any complaints and he said he bet she would feel good too.
She said what if we both had our shorts down just enough and see how things felt then.
He turned her around facing the washer and slid her shorts down and she felt him push inbetween her muscular legs.
Do you feel that? He asked.
She said ya, but it's too low.
He also slid his hands up her abdomen under her shirt and cupped her breasts. She said that feels good.
She said that she felt wet and invited him to see if anything might just fit up in there?
His hands slid down her front and arrived over her pussy where he molded her around and slid in from behind.
Then she said she didn't know what happened and they were humping and it was seriously over in less than a minute and they pulled their shorts up and that was it!
So, I'm supposed to forgive that? She says she wasn't thinking and had no judgement when she wasn't "feeling right".
She said she'll never do that again.
Ok, what would you do?
Oh, you fkin know she's gonna do it again.
You just need to start taking her out of town on the weekends somewhere y'all can pickup strangers so she's not cheating and you can get in on the action. It's a lot of fun.
Bi-polar is THE toughest mental illness to manage next to schizophrenia. Meds are pretty much mandatory. If she's going through a state of Mania, she really has little executive control.
Wow, this is a rough situation. You've got some good advice here, and also some knee jerk Neanderthal comments.
A healthy marriage is much more than just sex, and sexual exclusivity isn't an absolute requirement in every marriage. Therapy and possibly medication are definitely in order here, but since there's no guarantee that'll be successful you also need to do some serious soul searching.
How important is you getting to be the only guy who puts his cock inside her vs. the other aspects of your relationship and the time that you've invested in each other? That's a question that only you can answer, and it's not one that you should answer without deeply considering both possibilities. Remember that leaving her won't make her stop having sex with other men- it'll make sure that she's only having sex with other men but *not* you. It's also worth noting that while she doesn't currently seem to be able to stay faithful, she is being up front and honest with you about it.
Some guys would find your situation incredibly exciting, and would give anything to be in your shoes. You may not share this kink, but you may be able to develop an appreciation for it, or at least make peace with it. Ignore the cavemen who feel the need to protect their fragile egos by attacking men who aren't ruled by their insecurities.
Also, there's at least the possibility of a middle ground. Talk with your wife and see if you can negotiate an arrangement that she can stick to and you can accept. Complete honesty is a must. Safety should also be a main topic, but also do you want to be present? Do you want permission to stray as well? Can you agree on ground rules relating to where she's finding guys? (not near home, only on a website and using an email account you both have access to, etc) A kink-friendly relationship therapist can help.
I wish you both luck. I hope you post updates here!
Well said, man
She needs to take her meds in front of you every morning - or you see a lawyer.
And she needs to know that those are her choices.
Good advice!
I’d go to her appointments and talk to her therapists. I would be there for her when she’s on the up portion of her rollercoaster ride and if she’s hyper sexual, I would be hypersexual to her back. Sometimes women in this phase are insatiable and that means she need to have the extreme peaks and valleys out of her, make them more somewhat level, less up and down. Extreme exercise at the gym, really also helps level out these peaks and valleys. All these things require input from you and partnership. Knowing guys, guys at gyms, guys anywhere, if they see her looking sexy, no bra and views of her nipples, and muscular legs, guys eyes will be on her. Women are the ones who give the final OK, allowing guys to take it to the next level. If it were up to us we would be fucking women in stores and malls all the time. She made a conscious decision to take her wedding rings off and it wasn’t a long time before some guy was fucking her, he may have cum but she was probably ready for him to fuck her again longer and stronger. If another guy was there he too probably would have mounted her. I’d be working on getting her help asap and I’d be asking her doctors and therapists some questions on what we can do! Right now there is at least one guy walking around your apartment complex looking out for your wife, thinking I can’t wait to run into her again!! There aren’t too many women you notice in a laundry mat and see a hot body and they get your cock so hard that they let you fuck them. That would be the down side of the gym, too many guys would focus on wanting to fuck her!
I'm fucked up like that. I let my boyfriend do whatever he wants to me when he wants to make myself feel better for being shitty to him.
I I do what I want to you baby?
Unfortunately this situation does not get better. I know a girl who split up with her boyfriend I was see her flashing people . She wanted anal from her boyfriend he did then she called the cops and said he forced her . Cops new the situation did not take him.
My ex wife is bipolar. In addition to financially ruinous behavior, she tried to fuck one of my buddies when I was out of town, which be told me about after I left her. After we divorced, she wouldnt stay on her meds, had a couple more failed marriages, went to jail, and picked up a heroin and pill addiction.
I'd admire your valor if you stayed with your wife, but if you're like me the feeling of relief will far outway any guilt for leaving her. I would not have as good a life as I have now if she was still dragging me down.
You need to leave her. You can't be a cuckold and allow her "behavior" or "affliction that she can't control" to be an excuse. She completely disrespected you. I was married to a crazy bi-polar/borderline personality disorder woman for 13 years. I had sex with her at minimum once a day and most days multiple times. I even fucked her after we went through a contentious divorce. I know where you're coming from with this type of woman, but there's still no excuse for her cheating. She is right-she's not worthy of you.
Tons of women out there that won't cheat on you, or have excuses to do so and want forgiveness. To her credit, she's right that she doesn't deserve you.
Good luck!
There's nothing wrong with being a cuckold for a woman you love that needs more. But when she is having mental issues there is the problem. Been watching my wife for over 30 years and love it. I know she needs bigger than I can provide to satisfy and I get to be the best tongue that she has ever had
Says you. Normal people do not like being cuckolds. That’s some pansy shit!
That explains the utter glut of cuckold/cheating fetish content available on every porn site. Not to mention the sheer number of couples on Tinder/Meetme/OkCupid/etc. I get it, it makes you feel super manly and better than everybody else to say cuckoldry is some pansy shit, but just saying that doesn't make it so. Just from a pragmatic angle, if some dude is capable of enjoying watching some other dude fuck his wife, do you really - honestly? - think that you calling him a pansy is going to make a lick of fucking difference to him? Chances are he gets off on that shit anyway. You people that think it's your purview to look down upon what other people do in their bedroom fucking confuse me.
Well said! It is our business what we do in our bedroom. And yes my wife enjoys well endowed men. And those same people that are looking down and saying something here would be lined up to give her cock.
As if there is a normal. Fool.
There is a normal. Imbecile.
I'm with the guy who called you an imbecile. You cuckolds need serious mental therapy. You hate yourselves.
Nothing says "I'm a mentally stable, intelligent person" like being an armchair psychologist on an anonymous sex confession forum and calling someone else waxing their carrot on here an imbecile.
I don't know if doctors do more harm than good sometimes. My wife was diagnosed as a nymphomaniac she needed sex all the time. The doctor put her on medication that made her a zombie all she did was lay around and sleep constantly that wasn't going to work. We couldn't go out together because she would play with herself in the car and have orgams always trying to get in my pants as I was driving. She started sneaking out in the middle of the night going to clubs and bars getting fucked and sucking one guy after the other off. I talked to her doctor about what she was doing and he said that it really wasn't her fault that she can't control herself and that anything can trigger her sexual feelings. He said that over time she will learn how to control herself but it's going to take time and I have to be patient with her he said that I could divorce her and no one would blame me for that but that could really be the worst thing that could happen to her because I was the only person that truly loved her and understood what she was going through. I ended up staying with her and after 20 years she finally got a handle on it. I don't know how many guys and women she had sex with or how many gangbangs she allowed herself to get into but one morning I woke up and she was crying at the dining room table she said that she didn't know what she was doing and begging me not to leave her saying how sorry she was it was like a switch had gone off in her head and I had my wife back again.
You are a saint. I could not put up with that behavior for 20 years
This is just sad.