So I met my wife on a swingers site. She was a single involved long-term with couples she knew for a long time. She also hooked up with single men. The thing is that when we became a couple these couples friends of hers expected me/us to play with them before they would be friends with me. I told her no, I'm not trading sex for friendship. So she's upset because she can't deliver the fresh meat they want and I'm upset that I'm expected to bow down to the wishes of this circle of friends that to me looks more poly than swing anyway. I mean, they do everything together and call each other to come over and fuck their husband's when they don't want to. I have nothing against poly but what I don't like is when swingers cross the line into intimacy and then act like it's just swinging. Although I understand that most people like to feel some rapport with their play partners, swinging has been successful because of practices that keep intimacy out of it.
So now we have moved away from that so called community. She admits that she was trading sex for friendship and that the situation was more poly than swing but she still feels the pull from them via social media. So now we're done with extracurricular sex because she can't have it all her way. I've tried to propose compromises to her but she says that's the same as taking one for the team. My response is that lovers often do favors for each other because they want happiness for the other. But that's not good enough for her.
I expect her to leave me over it sooner or later. I think her "friends" are more important to her than our relationship. I guess she thought I would come around.