There's a couple problems......

.......but they will become bigger ones.

About 3 months ago I started kinda dating a girl who's working for the place where I work. First problem: since we work together we aren't supposed to date, so we have to sneak around or we could both get fired. Second problem: she's older then me (37 to
23) and divorced, so i've been lying to my parents about dating anybody, and haven't told them that she also has any kids, five (my parents would die from all that). Third problem: she's really good at sex, but the main thing is she has these AWESOME big soft lips and she kisses so AMAZING, but she's a smoker and I cant get over that even though I was sure that I could (i have tried hard for 3 months but just cant do it). I would not break up with her in reality for anything but the smoking, but I cant tell her i'm breaking up with her for smoking (so petty, am I right?). So I am thinking to tell her that we have to break up on account of the work rules because I don't wanna be the reason for her kids mom to lose her job. That would all be true but saying it would make me feel like the biggest POS in the history of the entire world because I would not be telling her that the real reason is cigarettes (even though I am falling in love with her HARD) OR that I am a shallow selfish bitch. I don't know what to do. I know the first reply here will be "stop being such a horrible chickenshit", and I will have no defense to that because it's totally true. I'm awful and looking to lie my way out of love. They don't write poems or songs or movies about this . . . . . .

1 month ago

11 Comments

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    • Evidently smoking is something that's important to her. If you actually care about her, you should not make her give up something important to her as a condition to being with you. Just grin and bear it. And keep kissing her deep. Don't ever stop the kissing.

    • Given the age difference (she could conceivably have a child your age), you should be very grateful that she's willing to have any relationship with you at all. Her friends probably all tease her about that constantly. Let her be who and what she is. Enjoy and appreciate everything she is. If you love her for real, you must do that at least. All best to both of you!

    • Wow! Youre exactly right! She has a daughter who is 22 right now, but she will be 23 (my age) next month (june). I am very grateful that she wants to be around me, yes, because she could easily get pretty much any guy she wants and of any age. I know I am so lucky, because there's nothing special about me. Nothing.

    • Don't stop trying to just adapt to her as she wants to be. Soon you will get used to it and will love her even more for it! Don't give up! Your young and you will adjust! She is certainly worth the very small effort required!

    • Don't press her to quit. Be flexible, be tolerent, be supportive, and most important of all, be a friend. And do ALL of that without ever ONCE mentioning that you're doing ANY of it. Eventually she'll decide to quit on her own, and when she does, she'll recall -- fondly -- that you were the only guy she dated who never have her shit about her smoking. And she will LOVE you for it. Besides, you already know that's the right thing to so.

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    • I want your cock in my mouth and ass! guitarsg69@gmail.com

    • She is not a girl! She is a middle aged woman! She will teach you all about making love not just sex!

    • You're right about ALL that, and thanks for making the points. My mother tells me constantly not to refer to a female over about 16 as a "girl": she says it's dismissive and insulting not to call them what they are . . . . grown women. It's just a bad habit of mine, and I'm sorry. I apologize and I totally take your points. I take the last one, in particular, which is a big part of why I don't want drive her way. No matter what, I want to be respectful and not hurt her feelings. THANK YOU!

    • Ask her to quit smoking.

    • At work, before we ever went out together she had said that she had trouble getting guys to accept her smoking, so she just tells them, straight up, "Look i am a smoker. If you don't like it don't date me, but don't try to get me to quit. I'll quit when I am ready to quit; not when YOU are ready for me to quit, so don't bother asking." I may ask anyway, politely, because I do NOT want to lose her. DO NOT WANT THAT.
      thanks for your kind suggestion and for reading about my dilemma. I appreciate both.

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