Life waisted

I met my wife 27 years ago will be in July. We dated around a year and really I was unsure of her. She was sort of young acting and just seemed like she had no goals in life. I guess that came from her lifestyle. Her mom and dad were like that. They lived in an apartment. There is nothing wrong with apartments it's just the walls were bare with yellow stained walls and ceilings from all the smoke. Her dad was an on again off again druggy in and out of N/A.

I spent another year I believe trying to get away from her. I mean I had feelings for her. She talked a good talk about wanting to get away from her lifestyle. But it was hard to really see. She had this lam attitude about her. I would sometimes go weeks without calling her. Then one day she would call and act like nothing was wrong. We would begin talking again. Both our birthdays are in March. Mine is one week before hers. I'm a little older. I turned 20 and she was turning 18.

She still had a year of high school. We were talking about getting married at some point. The day after she turned 18 I get a knock on the door. She wanted to get married right away. Her dad was giving her hell and she loved me and there we were. So we went to the courthouse and hitched up. That summer was not bad at all. So her senior year started and everything seemed ok the first month or so.

I got a call from my Antie one evening that my wife had been home all week and not going to school. I was already self-employed so was able to go home early and check things out. Around 2 pm and she was in bed asleep. Been sleep all day. She was talking "fuck school" she would quit. We talked and she was going back and catching up. So she did and graduation came around. We spent the next 3 years traveling around with my job. We had a fairly good time. However, the house was starting to get messier and messier daily. She sat at home all day. Got to where she wouldn't cook, clean, just watch t.v. and sleep.

Come the weekend though she was wide-eyed and ready to hit the bars and party. The amount of money she blew was very uncanny. The house looked like her parents. Bare walls, no pictures or decreations of any kind. The more I looked around the more I could not see spending my life like this. I talked to a lawyer about a divorce. I got some paper work and the night I was going to talk to her she came out and let me know she was pregnant. Shit! So I never said anything about the paperwork or the big D.

We had our first child and everything seemed to change. The house was clean. The baby was well carried for. We seemed to be happy. But slowly this started to change and things seemed to start slipping back to how they were. We had our 2nd and 3rd children. To skip ahead I stayed in a relationship I was dying inside but I made sure my kids had a good home, food, and everything they needed. I loved them and took care of them. I had a goal to get them raised then I would take care of myself.

About the time I just about achieve my goal I was in an accident that left me in a wheelchair. My life has now taken a 180 turn. All my hopes and dreams and goals have just finished in a second of time. I can no longer do my job, I can no longer party on the weekends. Now since I can no longer bring in the money I once did or do the things I use to I think she is getting ready to either leave or stick around to make my life even more hell than it already is.

I'm to the point I wish life was like fetish porn and I could give myself to a man-hating woman that would just use my crippled body as her footstool. Just end it in humiliation and worthlessness. I'm sure no one would understand this last part. You would have to live it to get it. FTW.

3 months ago

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