I'm Bored, So Here Are My Favorite Shower Thoughts
1. If a vampire drinks blood from a vegan, would that be the vampire equivalent to "eating your greens"?
2. Milk exists because some guy decided to get freaky with a cow.
3. Drywallers could make pretty good cake decorators.
4. Keeping a child's baby teeth is perfectly acceptable, unless you are a stranger or a serial killer.
5. Mosquitos are brave creatures with only 1HP.
6. Every broken clock is stuck on the time of when it passed away.
7. Tinder is like Grubhub and Doordash for cannibals.
8. Wet clothes are barrable unless you have to take them off, and put them back on.
9. Your dog's favorite toy is probably what they think your favorite toy is, which is why they bring it to you.
10. "With all due respect" is just a polite way of saying "Listen here you little shit".
11. Graduation hats are reverse top-hats.
12. If there is a God, do you think he stays in heaven because he is afraid of what he created?
13. Condoms help save lives and prevent them all at the same time.
14. If spray-on deodorant is skin-safe spray paint, then stick deodorant is literately a scented crayon.
15. The most unhelpful thing in the world is when you are trying to focus on a task, and a toddler tries to be helpful.
16. You can only determine the front of a burger after you take a bite out of it.
17. A watered down drink is worse than water, because it tastes like water with something else getting in the way.
18. If we combined every piece of furniture in the storage units in America, we could furnish every house in a small country.
19. Dropping a cup of coffee in the morning will always wake you up faster than drinking a cup of coffee.
20. If you think you're ugly, that's because you aren't your type.