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I'm homophobic, but I'm afraid I might be gay too.
Ok Im going to be totally honest here and say that Ive always benn kind of homophobic. I never wanted to, like, beat up gay dudes or anything but I always figured being gay was kind of sick and pathetic. Ive called gay guys names behind their backs forever, mostly "faggot". Ive never even felt bad about it until now.
Anyway, I was always proud to be straight. Im 23 and have been with a few girls and only watched straight porn and stuff. Sure I preferred the dudes to have big cocks but not because I wanted to look at their cocks or anything.
So I have an older brother who I always figured was as straight as me. Im staying with him for a few weeks over the summer and when I got there a couple of days ago I got there in the morning instead of afternoon when i was supposed to. I cant find him when i get there so I go upstairs to look. When I get there his bedroom door is open and I hear a lot of moaning. I sneak over and look in and I see my brother on the bed on his back with his feet up on some dark skinned dude's shoulders and the guy is fucking his ass hard.
Just looking at this guy from the back I can tell that hes lean and muscled and I realized I was staring at his clenching ass and jiggling balls. I got hard and almost came in my pants. All i could do was get out of there as quiet and fast as i can.
I ended up driving around the city for hours but my erection wouldnt go down. Twice I had to pull into a back alley and jerk off until I came. Im even touching my dick as I write this in my brother's spare bedroom. When i close my eyes I can still see him getting fucked by that dude. I have no idea what to think or what to say to him.
The worst thing is that now Im thinking of my brother as a faggot and Im calling myself one inside my head too. I shouldnt but thats what im thinking. Does this mean Im gay?
Having curiosity doesn’t mean you’re gay. Heck, in some cultures, a man isn’t considered gay as long as he’s not the one who bends over, sucks or becomes affectionate.
I’ve fantasized about being dominated and fucked over and over by a homophobic guy who gets rough on me, calls me faggot and any other slur to my face, and manhandling me at his leisure. Dark skinned here too, so you could get away with calling me a nigger to my face and know I’d encourage you to keep going if I ever had you (or someone like you).
It's okay to have identity conflicts. I think you can be gay and homophobic, attracted yet repulsed. I'm female and quite racist, but I've fucked niggers.
Homophobia is, usually, caused by one being unsure of their sexuality. You might be bisexual or completely homosexual, but outside pressures have led you to believe that either of those are repulsive, so, it's better to hate them, or, to appear that you do. Be yourself, and don't sweat what others think !
But I'm afraid I don't know what myself is anymore. I'm not into dudes romantically but I haven't been able to cum to anything but gay porn since. And I can't help but look up at the door every 30 seconds expecting my brother to be standing there watching me. Or worse, the dude who was fucking him.
You just need a good fucking from your brother's boyfriend, that will sort you out.
I stopped limiting myself to just one sex a while ago. My wife gives a great blowjob but she never wants to do it. My gay friend gives a damn good blowjob and he doesn't stop after you cum. He goes until you cum twice. That's the difference. Your wife will blow you every now and then because she loves you. Your gay friend will suck your dick every day because he loves sucking dick.