I want to watch my GF use the bathroom
You can judge me if you want, Ive never told a soul about this and looking for some form of advice.
My gf and I use the bathroom together sometimes and just hang out and talk about our day while we do what we gotta do in there, its an interesting bonding experiance that I thought nothing of for years, because I love her no matter what.
However over the years Ive become used to doing that with her (not ALL the time but frequently enough) and I may have developed some type of sexual arousal from just watching her poop.. She has no idea that i feel this way as of right now anyway.
And its not an extreme secual attration, i dont have much of a desire to dig in the toilet when shes done and play with her crap or anything.. just want to watch her sot naturally and the smell I enjoy a little bit but can live without it. I dont need to watch it come out of her with her ass in my face (although could be fun in my eyes but i dont want to touch it afterwards just look) But Another thing im noticing is that sometimes when we cant go together due to there being family or friends over or if were in public, or if she simply wants to go alone it makes me super anxious because I know what shes doing in there but i cant be there with her or do anything about it. I want to respect her and not drive her crazy with this but its getting hard.. If were out or have company she would text me while in the bathroom and tell me what shes doing which i assume is just out of humor or just entertainment while shes droppin a load.
I know a lot of people have fetishes like this that are bathroom or poop related. However i cant find any links to the anxiety behind not being able to be around it when I want to.
I understand this is not normal and im ashamed and embarassed by it. But i cant help it.
I love her so much beyond words and want to respect her in all aspects. But need some type of coping mechanisim or relief from this strange habit ive formed.
I dont want it to stop, i want to enjoy it when apropriate. But i want the anxiety to stop when i cant be around if that makes sense.
Ps im a straight male for those who may ask
And my gf and i have been together almost 10 years and dont live together as of right now but will be within the next few months which May solve this problem, or make it worse. And im afraid to find out lol
Thank you for your time reading my strange story
Any type of advice would honestly mean the world to me since im afraid to ask my friends or family