Abused by step-father and his son
I had sexual relationship with my stepfather and his son for two years.
It started when I was 14. I was living with my mother and his son, who was two years older than me in my stepdad's house.
I guess, I should have noticed his interest earlier, before my mom got married to him ... he was very attentive to me, always trying to sit next to me, very close, so that parts of our bodies would touch each other, often hugging me, rubbing my shoulders, my hair, insisting on taking me places ... especially, places, like gym or pool, where he would see me naked, wanting to "help me" shower, etc. ... But I guess, I was just too stupid to understand.
Then, a few months after my mom got married to him, and we moved into his house, one night, he came to my room, sat on the side of the bed, and started, caressing me under the sheet. I didn't really know what to do, and just pretended to be asleep, and just lied there. He kept doing what he was doing, and got under my boxers, and kept fondling and stroking in there ... I started crying, because I was so scared and humiliated. He noticed that I was crying, hugged me, and whispered softly, said that it's nothing to be scared of and that he loved me, and would never hurt me or do anything I did not want ... he kept touching and stroking my genitals, and I got exited (hard), and then he just got down there and gave me a blow job, and I came ... I was so humiliating, I started crying even harder, and he was hugging me and saying it was "ok".
I just fell asleep in his arms, and when I woke up in the morning, everything was cleaned up, he changed and washed my sheets, and underwear, it was like I dreamed all of it up.
I could bring myself to even look at him at first, I was very scared, that somebody would find out somehow what happened, but he was all "business in usual", joking, laughing and everything, and never mentioned anything to me even when we were alone.
Then next night, I was all shaking and waiting that he'd come to my room again, but he never did, so I finally fell asleep. But the night after he showed up again, and sat on my bed, and started talking to me, like, explaining everything that happened, and how it was all "normal", and nothing to be afraid of, and I was just nodding to him, because I did not know what else to do ... and then he started touching and caressing me again ... and everything happened again.
So, after that, he'd come to my room like every other night, or every night sometimes ... he asked me to blow him once, but I said I did not want to, and he just let it go. Sometimes he'd blow me, and sometimes, he'd just fondle with his hand, until I cum, he always made sure that I did, and he did as well, sometimes, just watching me. He'd then take all the sheets, and underwear, that got stained, and bring me the new ones.
I was so ashamed and humiliated, and afraid, that someone would find out what we were doing. I was crying in my room after he left once, and his son heard me (he slept in the next room), and came to see what was up ... He saw, that I was naked, and the bed was all messed up (I have not put the new stuff on yet), and understood what happened ... So, he got angry with me (because, apparently, I learned it later, his dad used to do it with him before, and stopped, when I moved in), and he said, that if daddy won't do it with him any more, than I'll have to. He told me to get on my knees and give him a blow job, like his dad was doing to me. I did not want to, but he said, that if I don't he would tell my mom what was going on, and I could not let that happen.
I was very afraid (still am), that my mom would find out. She was so happy, about finding this guy, so that "I could have a father", I just can't do that to her.
So, I got down on my knees, and he pointed his dick at me .. and it was so disgusting, that I threw up, and then he got angry again, and said that, if I could not do this, then next time he'd just "fuck me like a bitch" ...
I was so scared, he had this huge dick, and I thought, he'd just tear me all up ... So, next time his dad came to me ... I asked him myself to do it to me ... because he was kind to me, and I knew he would not want to hurt me ... and he had a smaller one even though he was older. That hurt so much! I was sobbing in pain, and he had to stop, and he said, he'd never do it to me again.
After a few days, he and my mom left town for a week, and the two of us, his son and I, stayed at home alone. I told him about what happened with his dad, and begged him not fuck me like he promised, and he said ok, but I would have to suck him ... so I did this time. He also made walk around naked, and beg him on my knees, and that was making him cum many times.
So, since then, I start appreciating doing to with his dad, because he was so gentle and kind to me. I think, he really cared about me in his own way. And when he wasn't around, his son was making me do the same things to him, that his dad did to me.
I never told anyone, and my step-dad never found out what his son was doing. He died suddenly when I was 16, and his son got drafted into military, and then I went to college, and moved away from that house, so it all ended.
But now ... Here is my real problem. I think that whole thing got me really messed up. I am 22 now, and I never had any normal sex. I never had a girlfriend ... and I never will. I don't really what to do with them. I tried things like watching porn and stuff, and I just don't get excited ... The only thing that gives me a hardon is thinking about the kind of sex I had when I was a kid, and the worst thing is ... I am not a kid anymore, but I can get rid of that picture in my mind, this young humiliated boy naked and covered w, I ith sperm crying ...
I know they say that people are born this way ... but I KNOW that I wasn't.
It was this experience that I had as a kid, that MADE me a pedophile, and screw up my entire life. I hate myself for being like this, and would probably kill myself, if not for my mom ... she does not know anything about this, and I am the only thing she has, I cannot do that to her. (((