I'm the son of a single mom, and she's relatively young for a son my age (I'm currenty 19, she's 45). With the exception of a couple of years back when I was a kid and she was in a serious relationship, it's always been just the two of us, so she's been very protective of me and, in time, I became very protective of her. This made for very uncomfortable moments as i was growing up, because other teenage boys spoke of her in sexualized ways and teased me about it.
I can't really blame them. My mom is a pretty woman, and she owns it. She's always taken care of her body and even looks younger than she actually is. So it wasn't unusual for other guys to tell me things like "I bet your mom really know how to suck dick". Good times.
And yes, I'm aware of how good looking she is. I'd be lying if I said I didn't stare at her every once in a when she exercised or wore a bikini, but I never sexualized her, I was always respectful of her. That changed a little when I was 17, one day I came home from school 4 hours early because a teacher got sick.
I heard her screaming as opened the door, so I rushed in towards her bedroom, thinking she was being attacked.
Clearly I was rather innocent back then and I couldn't distinguish between screams and pleasure moans. Her bedroom door was only halfway closed, so could see her clearly, all naked,in the middle of what could have been a scene out of porn. There was semen all over her, and she was sandwiched between two guys. She was performing a "DP"... and you could tell she was enjoying it (now I DO know what an orgasm looks like). The men were younger than her, clearly in their 20's, and they came a few times as well. They were doing her bareback.
I don't know how long I stood there, but when I snapped out of it I went to hide in my room, next door to hers. I could hear the men hit her and slap her. I could hear her whisper "I'm your fucking whore". I couldn't really decide how I felt in the moment. I later figured out that I felt halfway between cheated and attracted: so many years enduring the sexual slurs other men said about her, many years defending her, only to find her calling herself a whore while she fucked two guys. At the same time, she looked so hot doing it. So I had officially sexualized my own mom.
Our relationship changed from that day. I never dared tell her why even when she begged me to, but I became distant, despondent, even dismissive of her. We had increasingly louder and longer fights over my behavior, even if we ended up patching up things eventually. But the truth was that I never could really shake that image of her, it came back even if I was watching porn or having sex with a girl.
A few nights ago, she asked me to accompany her to a dinner party one of her friends was having, so I reluctantly said yes (to my knowledge, she doesn't have anyone else to go with). Surprisingly, we had a good time there, so we went back home with a girlfriend of hers and kept on chatting, with some music and wine. When her friend left, we were cleaning up when a song we used to dance when I was a kid came on. And we started dancing.
Something came over me, so I hugged her as we danced. She asked again why I was so angry at her, and I finally confessed. She hugged me tighter and said nothing for a long while, so we kept dancing. Until she said "I don't mind that you saw me like that. But you also have to know that I'm a woman, I have needs, and I like sex. It's normal for a woman to like it, it whatever form".
The image of her fucking came back to me... and I could feel my erection forming, so I discreetly tried to turn my waist or something, so as not to rub it on her. She noticed. She held me tighter, her head against my chest, and she started to add more hip movement to her dancing. I had a full hard on, and she was rubbing herself on it. I froze when I realized I liked it. She looked at me and said that women like her are grateful for men like me, and that she needed me. She said so very cose to my face... so I backed away. I said good night and locked myself inside my room.
I won't lie, I jerked off to that. Then I went to sleep, and pretended to still be sleeping the next morning when she came knocking. After I heard her leave, I packed some stuff and went to a friend's, saying I needed to crash at his place because I had a fight with my mom. She's been texting me ever since to ask if I'm ok. I've responded, but without telling her where I am. It's been only a couple of days, and I do want to get back soon... but I'm not sure. I'm torn. I'm mxied between fear and curiosity of what will happen next. Any advice?