I'm doing my best I can through therapy, but I'm just too fixated on him to break this relationship. My first time was with him, and it was wrong from the beginning but we liked it so much we kept having sex for many years afterwards.
My brother and I have been lovers since I lost my virginity to him at 14. He was 16. It was only messing around at first, but hooking up was just so easy, and we got so good together, we just kept going. Sex was just a door away, and it was the perfect training. He became the first man to ever make me cum... and the problem is, he's been the only one ever since.
Maybe it's just the taboo that makes it so good, the point is I've never felt the same lust for any other man. And believe me, I've tried. We date other people freely, have sex freely, but it disturbs me that there's seemingly no other man on this planet I'd like to fuck. I know it's wrong, but one part of me doesn't want to stop. Feeling him cum inside of me, hear him orgasm while he enjoys my body... it's a totally different experience, and I hate knowing that the healthy thing is to stop, watch him settle down with another woman in the future, while I'm supposed to do the same. I wouldn't be happy.