Cousin may have raped me

This is very hard for me to come clean about. I grew up in a tough familial environment. My parents and some of my extended family were drug addicts. I ended up spending quite a bit of time with my aunt and first cousin. We are only a few months apart in age and we're exposed to many inappropriate things from a young age. Neither of us experienced any sexual abuse but we were exposed to very sexual movies, conversations, and pictures. We one day felt each other up at a very young age. I believe we were 7 or 8 years old. This would go on whenever we would see each other over the next few years. It normally happened after everyone went to bed and while i was "asleep". I would act asleep and he would feel me up. I was obviously conscious and non objective but i believe this only happened due to our exposure and inexperience in healthy relationships though i still feel guilty to this day. This has not happened for a very long time until tonight. I am now 16 and something wrong has happened tonight. I was drinking tonight because there was a family gathering so i was a little tipsy. We were upstairs watching tv and i was going to go back to bed on the couch downstairs by my mom afterwards. I kept falling asleep while watching the show and he convinced me it was okay and I could just sleep there. We were on the floor with pillows and blankets a good length away. i fell asleep and woke up to him stroking my v*****. I woke up when i felt him move my leg. I was frozen though. I felt what he was doing but I was so scared to "wake up" and face him face to face. I didn't believe he would hurt me but i was very scared. I didn't know what to do. He kept moving my underwear and stroking my v*****. My body involuntarily reacted and i ended up having a small orgasm. I also wasn't thinking right due to the alcohol. He moved my underwear back and flipped me over. I then began to act like i was waking up in an attempt to flee. I ended up making the transition and now i am downstairs on the couch and freaking out. He is still upstairs and i do not know how to face this situation. It has been years since this happened last and i am old now and understand how terribly wrong this is but i do not know what to do. I do not know if he thinks i was unconscious or awake and wanting it. I'm so scared. Is this rape? What do i do?

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