In love with best friend

My best friend, I love him in a friend way and in a gay way. He doesn't know I'm gay or that I love him. I am gay for him. He's sexy asf, he is tall and his strength and muscle evens it out. He is really good looking, hair is perfect, big penis, he's just amazing. I don't want to open up to him cause he's the type of manly guy that says he'd rather die than be gay. But anyways my dirty secret is he thinks I don't know that he wanks all the time at my house and his. Whenever he leaves I lick the cum from the bed or the dirty floor. If he leaves pants I'd lick it clean, even the shit. One time he was high and drunk, I sucked him off and we made out for ages. He doesn't remember, and even if I didn't I made a sex tape of it. He's amazing. Great lover. I wish one day he will beat me to shit and fuck me and make me suck him off. I dunno how to make him of it tho

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