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What about a sexually selfish wife?
I have been with my wife for over ten years. She was my first sex partner. I have never been with anyone else. My entire sexual experience has been with her and I'm very uncertain how my own sexual tastes and attitudes align with the majority of people. I first tried giving oral sex when we were young adults, because I thought she might enjoy it. I had no particular interest in it other than that. In fact, I might have leaned slightly toward disliking it more than enjoying it. But the obvious pleasure that it gave her quickly made me a fan of giving oral sex and I grew to enjoy it intensely.
My wife never embraced giving oral sex the way I did. Early in our relationship she used to occasionally go down on me, but never for more than a minute at a time, and never to completion. I always fantasized about receiving oral sex (nothing seems sexier than a confident, enthusiastic blowjob) but I felt ashamed to request it, especially knowing she didn't want to do it. For a number of years I adopted the strategy of showing her, through my own sexual generosity and desire to please her, that giving oral sex can be an amazingly intimate way to connect with a partner and can be pleasurable even for the giver. This was incredibly naïve. I thought that receiving so much pleasure from oral sex so frequently would eventually inspire my wife to want to try giving it to me again. It didn't have that effect.
Eventually I realized I would have to tell my wife directly that I desired oral sex. I asked if it was a hygiene problem. I asked if she thought it was gross. These weren't the problems. She said it hurts her jaw if she does it too long, and that since she has a strong gag reflex she worries about taking me too far into her mouth. These seemed like surmountable problems so I suggested using her hand a lot, both to give her mouth a break and alleviate jaw ache, and also to prevent deep penetration which could cause her to gag. These suggestions were not taken seriously and I still haven't received oral sex. Even if by some miracle did receive oral sex I know I wouldn't be allowed to climax from it because she also seems to have an aversion to semen.
To be clear, I don't expect tit for tat reciprocation of oral sex. I love going down on her. It turns me on to give her that kind of pleasure. It's not a bargaining chip that I would use to get reciprocation. I'm willing to perform oral every single time we have sex. It's not a special treat I dole out for favors. That said, her disgust over my body and fluids along with her apparent lack of interest in even attempting to give me something I've craved for many years is making me feel very undesirable and ashamed of my sexual fantasies. At best I feel like she is indifferent to my desires. At worst I feel repulsive. This is making me resentful and I'm losing my fondness for pleasing her. In fact, I'm not sure I want to have a sexual relationship with her anymore.
She invests no effort in pleasing me. She rarely touches me and refuses to bring me to orgasm with her hand. In other aspects of our lives she also isn't very concerned about what I want. She's critical and discouraging. She finds it impossible to give approval or affirmation to anyone. I'm freaking out because in my mind I'm heading for disaster. Meanwhile, she seems completely happy and satisfied. The truth is that she never makes me feel good about anything. In fact, just writing this is somewhat cathartic, and now I'm terrified of the implications. I'm afraid I'll have to choose between living the rest of my life in a sexless or sexually unfulfilling relationship, or else I'll have to consciously decide to be a villain to my family and friends by splitting up our family and separating from my wife.
I'm so full of regret I can barely breathe.
I have to say my wife and I have similar experiences with oral sex, my wife absolutely LOVES receiving it, in fact requests it from me almost every single night. Since I love giving it, we are super compatible this way. I do admit I wouldn’t mind receiving it from her every once in a while but she did make it distinctly clear from when we first met that she HATED giving oral at all and if I was going down on her so eagerly to hope for reciprocation, it will never happen. I actually really appreciated her honesty & it was simple to find an acceptable alternative which for us is a quick masturbation after she orgasms or if she hasn’t passed out she let me rub against her ass to cum and this has been a lot more enjoyable for me over trying to force her to perform oral. So for us honesty made it into a win win
It sounds to me like your wife is just making excuses to not give you pleasure that way. Okay maybe she doesn't like doing it. But neither did you. I don't advocate cheating on her. But I think you need to confront her and tell her how this is making you feel. If she's still not willing to meet you half way, then you need to pull the plug and tell her you intend to get it somewhere else. You can't spend the rest of your life feeling like this.
Oral sex suggestions for your wife (from another woman):
Prevent jaw ache by limiting how much of his cock you actually take. Do this by wrapping a fist around the base. With some lube (spit works fine) you can involve the hand in the blow job, too.
The angle of an erect penis kind of work against the mechanics of the jaw. If you approach from above by either sitting on his torso or kneeling next to him, facing his feet then you will be at a better angle.
Agreeing to oral sex doesn't mean he gets to do what he wants. You don't have to let him cum in your mouth if you don't want to. That's a high bar to clear for a lot of women. Work him up and then let him shoot over your shoulder, on his own belly, on your breasts, wherever. Talk about this beforehand so he knows to pull you off his dick when he reaches the point of no return before orgasm.
To the male poster:
I'm a straight female, and I can attest that when I was learning how to give head I was very nervous. I thought it was mildly gross, and I was worried the damn dick would go off at a moment's notice. Some women also see it as something degrading or sexist. I'm not endorsing those beliefs, just telling you what's out there.
Make sure you are squeaky clean (freshly showered is nice) and have a positive, grateful attitude for whatever oral your wife happens to bestow. Taking your cum in her mouth is extra credit, in my opinion. Her aversion to semen may be what's making her hesitate. Tackle that issue later. For now, just see oral as awesome foreplay.
From what I hear from YOU, things between you and your wife sound sad and disconcerting. I wonder what she would say if she were asked about her marriage and sex life. Get yourselves to a sex-positive marriage counselor post-haste. You shouldn't expect the counselor to only be interested in getting you what you want, but you don't want to work with a counselor who blames you entirely or pathologizes your sex drive, either.
Same here seems like wife barely even touches my cock I get maybe two blowjobs a year on a good year I give her oral every time we have sex which isn't very often.
Good and sound advice, a gay guy will probably give a better blowjob. He knows what pleases a guy.
If I can be honest with you & tell like it is... Get your oral sex from somewhere else. Be with her in the marital bed as usual, but once in a while get your Blow Jobs done by someone else. Listen, she's not giving you what you want in bed, you tried to negotiate with her, but she's not into it.
There is no cause for a divorce or splitting up because she will not go down on you. Just get your fix somewhere else, preferably from someone that you can count on and who will keep their mouth shut (afterwards) lol.
The problem is, finding a woman who will give you a Blow Job & only that, the problem is she will want you to go down on her & eventually fuck her, which will result in an affair then the shit will hit the fan. The best solution, get ready for this....
Get a gay or bi guy to give you a Blow Job on a regular basis, he will be so happy to service you that he will do anything to keep it secret & as you wish. There is no risk of going further, you are in the driver's seat with the guy, find one on Craigs List & just ask what you want & lay the law down. He will respect your boundaries.
Honestly, go see a counselor together NOW. If she's unwilling step up and be an integral member of the family, your fears may be warranted. Sounds like you have a lot to give any potential lover, and everyone deserves to be treated equally. Your family will understand if it does lead towards separation, or they aren't worth their weight.
Seriously - don't wait - get counselling and try to salvage it if you can.
This is so sad, I hope you can find your way back to each other! But to the original problem--position matters a lot. I had the same problem with the aching jaw and gag reflex. If she's willing to try (maybe give her a few drinks, lol), have her lay on her back on the bed with her head hanging over while you stand in front of her. If that doesn't work, she should try laying her head sideways on your lap. Believe me, when your jaw hurts so bad, it really isn't fun to do a blowjob. Only when I found a comfortable position (and a man I totally adore) did I learn to do it well!