Recovery

Our break up was official almost 3 years ago. The relationship was in trouble a year before that. Ive been consistent with therapy and got back on medication. I also have a new boyfriend. Im doing well is what Im trying to say. Im living a whole different life. Im here to write my thoughts and feelings out for someone to read. I cant write this in my journal for someone to possibly come across and my therapist has heard it all before. I just need to blow of some steam by writing it down on here.

Recently I have been missing some stuff that I got into with my ex. There was the handful of guys I was fucking semi regularly. There was the constant revolving door of guys who's dick I sucked or I fucked too. A lot of times it was the scenario or it was situational. I miss the cocaine and the alcohol, especially when I was fucking someone. Its crazy how active we were, so wild. My ex watched me, sometimes he joined in. Sometimes if it meant I got dick, he understood he couldnt always be there. I always took video and pictures he could see later if that was the case.

As crazy fun as it was, it wasnt exactly healthy for us. Instead of dealing with my trauma, I fucked to feel better. Instead of prescribed medication, I did blow and I drank.

Now that Ive been working on healing and am in a new relationship, I find myself wanting and missing that wild life. My new partner has no idea about my past, I know for a fact he wouldnt want to know, which is just another thing I miss; not having to hide or be ashamed of being judged if I needed more dick than any one guy could give me. It was way fun being with someone who not only accepted that dark part of me but encouraged and even facilitated it.

I feel better already having wrote some of my thoughts out. I feel less like I need to act out and back slide and mess up all the progress I made.

By Anonymous Just now

Relationship CONFESSION

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