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I want both but can't close the deal.
I've lived a life that is straight and have seemed as much from everyone around me but have always felt, always known I am Bisexual. Definitely more on the straight side but have always equally had the same sex desires ever since having any sort of horny thoughts. I cannot close the deal because the appropriate situations just don't present themselves. I'm not interested in the random meetup/hookup thing with some random stranger, and the full on Gay men I've tried to get something going with ended up being TOO Gay for me if that makes sense. The whole gay lifestyle thing, etc. Aren't there any men out there that are just...fluid in how they approach such desires without being creepy or overkill with lifestyle? Women seem to pull it off, and my Bisexual girlfriends have known exactly what I mean in this.
My thoughts regarding the perfect situation have always been basically a friend who is similar to me but MORE.
Once and only one time was I with a thirteen year old boy that was like very discreet and totally into trying everything with me. We progressed quickly from mutually jerking to sucking to bottoming for each other, with the help of a dab of Vaseline, because we were pressed for time. It was brief and intense. We were both satisfied but we just were never ever able to repeat it because of the social dynamics of our situation at that time.