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#1 sexual confessions
This is the first confession I've ever done but I figured this is the best way for me to get my feelings out there. I have been dealing with with depression? I guess? I don't know, all I know is that I'm lonely and can't help but to fantasize about having a girlfriend. I've never dated anyone for real. So I'm not sure what its like. I want to experience to the feeling of holding and being held. I want to cuddle. I want to kiss. I want to come home after a long day at work, be tired and stressed and walk into the door and it be all ok just because I have "her". I want someone to genuinely matter to me. I want someone that makes me want to start a family. I want someone that smiles when they see me and makes me smile just by seeing them. I want someone who wants me sexually. Like not necessarily a girl who is horny all the time but someone who sees sex as something special. Sex is supposed to be where you make your one and only feel immense pleasure right? So why does it seem like everyone else doesn't treat it that way?
My loneliness has gotten to the point where I've starts listening to audios, pole plays where I have a girlfriend or wife and cuddle a pillow as I try not to cry and go to sleep. I've also noticed that I see girls j know differently. Even girls i know have a boyfriend. Which makes me sick, it makes me hate myself that I would even see a taken woman like that. But I realize I'm staring at their ass or face way too often and it makes me more upset. Like a mixture of sad because I know I'll never be able to be with her but also because it's disrespectful to look at women like that.
You need to take more chances even if you're hurt by rejection. I had what you want. I lost my love of 25 years to a senseless death but I still have my family. I am lonely without her but I have the memories the photographs and the video.