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Something Might Happen Soon
So I'm a girl, I'm 16 and a virgin and something weird happened recently and I keep thinking something might happen because of it and wierdly I don't think I'm averse to what I'm thinking.
So my real father was never in the picture and my stepdad married my mom when I was 10 and he's been really good to my mom and I and he treats me like I'm his own daughter. I trust and love him as a father figure and have never felt any other way about him.
When I first started masturbating my mom caught me and she got mad and said I was too young to be doing that. I got kind of scared and stopped doing it for a while but eventually gravitated back to it and over the years I've learned a lot about my body and my sexuality through getting myself off. In the back of my mind though I always remember her getting mad and so I've always been extra careful to not get caught by her again.
Anyway, to what happened recently. I was laying naked on my bed and fingering myself really good one morning before school. I'd gone to the bathroom to pee before hand and I was pretty horny and in my rush to start pleasuring myself I'd left my bedroom door slightly cracked and I'd gotten naked really fast and didn't notice the door until I was on the bed and going at it and I didn't want to stop at that point so I took the risk. I was focused on my pleasure and had been going at it for about five minutes and I was moaning as quietly as I could and having fun. Then I happened to look up and I locked eyes with my stepdad through the crack of the door. He seemed surprised and I got really scared because I thought he might tell my mom.
He stared for several minutes without saying anything and for some reason I started going at it again while I kept my eyes on him. It had nothing to do with him specifically but it was something about knowing someone was watching me that I suddenly found exhilarating. I kept going and moaning, still as quietly as I could because I didn't want mom to hear. He watched me the whole time and up to me having an orgasm and I had to bite my lip to stifle the moan I almost let out. We stared at each other for a couple of seconds after I finished and then he just quietly shut my door the rest of the way.
I was thinking afterward that if him watching me turned me on then of course it turned him on as well. Shit. I got really nervous. I got ready for school and went to the kitchen for breakfast like usual but my stepdad wouldn't even look at me the whole time. I started to worry maybe he was disgusted with me.
It's been a few days since that happened and things have felt really awkward. He keeps noticably avoiding me but I've caught him stealing glances my way a few times. My mom is completely oblivious to all of this and I'm scared if I talk to her my stepdad will get in trouble and I don't want that. At the same time I feel like he and I should talk about what happened but I don't know what to say to him. He and I have always been close and now he's very distant.
I don't know what he's thinking but the things that keep going through my head are what if he's disgusted with me? What if he hates me now? Or what if he really was turned on by what happened? What if he like... comes onto me at some point? The wierd thing is I have zero sexual feelings towards him but if he came onto me I feel like I'd be really curious to see where it went.
Is it wrong that I sort of want him to watch me again? Is there something wrong with me? I don't know what to do and I feel like I can't talk to anyone without stirring up trouble.
He's a better man than me because I wound up fucking my stepdaughter after years of wanting her and she wound up confessing that she wanted to as well.
I know how your stepdad feels, I had a similar experience and I really felt bad about the way the situation made me feel. I’m glad you decided to take the opportunity and talked to him. I wish I could or she would too. It’s not affecting our relationship but it definitely needs addressing
Update
So I took the advice from some of these comments to heart and I finally confronted my stepdad. I waited until mom was out, my stepdad was in the living room watching TV and I just walked in and told him we needed to talk. Didn't have to say what about, he already knew. I sat in a chair close by rather than next to him on the couch because I felt it would be too awkward.
Turns out he was feeling really guilty and was disgusted with himself rather than with me. He said he was sorry for what he did and it shouldn't have happened because he's supposed to be my guardian. I wasn't willing to let him take all of the blame though and I admitted how exhilarating it felt to have someone watching me but it had nothing specifically to do with him and I wasn't looking for anything more to happen other than being watched. I guess I sort of left it open like that to see if he was interested in watching me in the future.
Ultimately we decided together that it was best for us to classify that incident as a slip up on both our parts and that it was best for our father-daughter relationship and the family dynamic that we not look for it to happen again. For obvious reasons we both agreed that my mom did not need to know what happened so we're just going to pretend it never happened. It's still early but so far things feel more normal since we talked it out. Probably take a little time for it to be totally in the background though.
I know people on here likely hoped things would go in a very different direction but this decision really is the best thing for everyone moving forward. Thank you to those who offered their 2 cents.
I am a step dad and have similar experience. I closed the door shut and did not mention it to her mom. she stares at me now, I don't read minds.
If you are interested in being watched for watching let me know. Would like to with you
I honestly wouldn’t the surprised if he feels the exact same way about you. “I’m not trying to start doing something sexual, but the watching was exciting. And also oh so wrong.”
I would try saying something casually if you can get him alone… “Hey, about the other day… I don’t want anything sexual to happen but I do enjoy being watched. I wouldn’t mind being watched again, but I can’t stand this awkwardness between us. We can pretend the whole thing never happened. Think about it and let me know. Oh, and don’t tell Mom. Obviously it would be bad for us both.”
I hate these conversations but hoping the other speaks up or makes a move first, trying to guess the others’ thoughts, is way way worse and can destroy connections. Just speak up, list your boundaries, invite for whatever you’re both down for, and try to get past the eternal awkward silence.
Obviously the smartest solution is to say it was a 1-time slip up and shouldn’t happen again (he could seriously get in trouble if you guys are ever caught, not to mention the age difference!). But for better or worse, I’m not judgy so there’s your two options.
Got a couple options, ignore it, talk to him, or do it again and see what he does, maybe have the door closed tighter so to get a better look he has to open the door more