Auntie's loss is other's gain - Part 1

Not sure why I feel compelled to do this, but now that I'm in my mid-twenties, my uncle is gone, and I've had time to reflect about everything, I feel the need to "confess" - but really just share since I'm unlikely to confront. Maybe a woman like my aunt (or better herself) will read this, realize a good man is hard to come by, and discover that she already had the man she needed, so she won't treat him like dirt and dump him for players that makes big promises but just use her.

My family seemed pretty normal but I guess normal is what you're used to. Growing up I loved both my parents. After their divorce I'm closer to my affectionate and hard working mom; my creative but unreliable father always scared me when he'd get angry. But I LOVED going over to aunt and uncle's which we did a lot because we just had an apartment and they had an actual house with a yard, a dog I loved, close to parks and playgrounds, but especially because I was close to my cousin (2 years older) and I liked when we cooked with my aunt and played games, went on adventures, and rough-housed with my uncle. When I was really young they both always made time for me, but as I got older my cousin got more into fashion, shopping and all the traditional girl things so she spent more time with my aunty. I was more interested in outdoorsy stuff so I spent a lot more time with my uncle. He taught all of us (including neighborhood kids) how to ride a bike (he always had bikes our size so we could go on rides together), how to throw a football, how to fish, the constellations and how to use a telescope, he even took me hiking and helped me with homework - oh, some of this is because my parents, really my mom, wanted me (I guess I was "gifted and talented") to go to better schools so they used my aunt and uncle's address for my residence, and when school was in session I usually lived there most Monday to Fridays.

Because I started living with them I couldn't help but notice what I only got glimpses of on weekends. That my aunt really didn't seem to like my uncle. Now that I'm older I can see that she basically regretted, or resented, being married to him. In fact, when I was about 8 I overheard my mom arguing with my aunt one time when they thought I was outside about how my aunt always cheated on the good boyfriends, that if she didn't love my uncle that she shouldn't have married him, that my uncle was the best thing that ever happened to both of them, and that she better not cheat on him because he always took care of all of us and it wasn't just about her. I do remember my aunt saying that, "well at least he's good with his hands" to which my mom replied, "I know - remember I dated him first!" My uncle actually dated my mom when they were all in college together (my aunt was doing a year abroad) but my mom was super feminist back then and I guess my uncle was pretty traditional, so she and broke it off, but then he fell for my aunt when she came back. I guess I should mention that my mom and aunt were very close, and my mom thought my uncle was the best, so much so that my mom wanted to live in the same city as them, even though it was very expensive and far away from where they grew up. But my mom always valued having family close.

Anyway, part of the argument they were having was my mom admonishing my aunt because ever since she could remember, my aunt always ridiculed and recoiled from my uncle when he'd try to hug, kiss, even just hold her hand or give her a peck on the cheek. I specifically remember my mom telling my aunt that kids notice that and it will make for an unloving home. It suddenly made sense to me why mom mom always made sure to give my uncle a big hug when we came or left and why she'd say "Auntie! that's so mean!" when my aunt did things (like the recoiling or calling my uncle a wolf spider or, the "missing link"). And just to be clear, my uncle was a pretty good looking, old school gentleman kind of man! Not George Clooney but handsome; mostly he had a kind confidence about him. He was polite, considerate, appreciative. In other words, different from most men. Yes, he was pretty hairy, but he always looked and smelled good in what I imagined was a James Bond sort of way (he liked 007 movies). From when I was little I liked being close to him because of how that made me feel. And I wasn't the only one! All my cousins neighborhood friends loved him too. There was always a competition to sit on his lap for stories, get piggy-back rides, ride his shoulders in the rec-center pool, steal his hat so he'd chase us, etc. Even when I was pretty young I could tell a few of the neighborhood girls' older sisters (12-14) had pretty obvious crushes on him and so did some of the neighborhood moms. I barely remember any of the other dad's; my uncle was the only dad that ever taught, played or entertained us. And yet all this seemed to make my aunt just be meaner! Which was crazy because my uncle not only did whatever she asked, but always praised her for her cooking (she was a good cook), how pretty she looked (my aunty was VERY good looking and when we'd be out other men stared at her and tried to talk with her) and how smart she was. But uncle always found something special to point out HOW she was pretty or smart - even when she got a little thick! Actually he did that for every girl/woman he interacted with. And all auntie could do was point out ways he was "so annoying" (usually just for being playful).

So one Sunday dinner it's just my mom and I over (think my dad was out of town) and my uncle loses track of time and burns the food on the grill and my aunt just really lays into him (mind you he'd been keeping us kids entertained as well). Anyway he feels bad but something about the ten thousandth time my aunt calls him "incompetent" seems to make him really sad. My aunt says we will go get KFC and for my uncle to "clean up his mess" but my mom says she's staying. I'm in the back yard with my uncle when my mom comes out and gives him a big hug. I don't know what I'm supposed to do but when my aunt asks if I'm coming my mom says to go along. As I'm putting my shoes on just inside the screen door I hear my mom tell my uncle that any woman would be lucky to have him - including her - and she kissed him barely off the lips! They were still hugging when my auntie told me to get moving. I felt so bad for my uncle but I remember wishing I was hugging him and wanted to be with him the whole rest of the evening.

Before I get to the scandalous part, I should explain that when my uncle died I got to meet and reconnect with lots of people that knew him. At the reception I was sort of a fly on the wall in a lot of conversations, but one was between a woman that my uncle and auntie fostered as a teenager, and some sisters that used to babysit my uncle (the parents were close friends). They didn't really notice me, so when the conversation changed from veiled remarks about my uncle being "good with his hands" and "knowing how to please a woman" and they started swapping stories I had to learn more. I got to know them there and over coffee dates later and the gist of it all is that when my uncle was 9 he got pretty fresh with the oldest sister, she asked him where he learned to touch a girl like that, he showed her a sex manual that he found looking for Christmas presents at Christmas, and they had all kinds of fun trying things out. I guess my uncle was a very eager student, they would learn all about different techniques, and the oldest sister loved being his sandbox and giving him feedback on what felt goooooood. Before she went to college, she passed the benefits of being my uncle's babysitter to the 2nd oldest sister, repeat for the 3rd, and they kept him busy and happy until he went to college out of state.

Oh, and I need to explain that my aunt wouldn't even sleep with my uncle - not just in the same bed - not in the same room! So when my cousin and I were tweens (until she was 15 and I was 13) she always slept with my aunt in a bed in the loft and I always slept in the master bedroom with my uncle. It was a running joke because they both snored but slept like rocks, and my uncle and I always stayed up talking so it was the best arrangement. There was a kids room with bunk beds but we never slept there unless my parents were staying over too. Mind you, at this point I'm 11 and I've slept in the same bed with my uncle tons of times and all we've ever done is he'd read to me, we'd talk and cuddle. Now I will admit, I'd already experienced what women meant when they said uncle was "good with his hands" but not because of anything sexual. But like I said, I loved being close to him, and we'd stay up talking and I'd share all my fears and insecurities with him. And he just had a way of holding, caressing and looking at me that didn't just make me feel better but made me feel AMAZING even though he never touched me "in that way." He didn't have to. I always wanted his hands on me! In fact I wonder if I actually had little orgasms several times just from him tickling, playing rough with me, and especially, the way he'd hold me on longer piggyback rides like on hikes or walks. Instead of locking my legs with his arms, he'd hold my bum with his hands crossed. And that let him use his two thumbs to stroke and caress my premature sex (through my underwear)....which combined with how good he smelled and how he treated me was all it took for me to have the biggest crush of my life on him. But that Sunday night after the KFC fiasco it went to the next level.

Continued in Part 2

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