The Pointlessness of Why

I'm 50. I'm married to an incredible lady who is my best friend AND the sexiest thing I've ever seen in or out of clothes. I admire her, respect her, try my best to honor her, and love her with all my heart.

I am not now, nor have I ever been physically or emotionally attracted to a man. I've met many men who are very fit, super smart, handsome and even extremely handsome, but I've never felt any attraction to a man.

I am stuck on this fantasy like its on constant repeat in my mind and I do not understand why. I suppose that doesn't matter, really. What does matter is getting this off my fucking chest to see if I get some reprieve from it.

I meet and become friends with an older man. He's slightly taller than me and perhaps a bit more muscular (though this detail seems to change). Our friendship begins over a common interest, and we discover we share several other common interests. We end up spending more and more time together and each time I feel like I've learned something, or that his sharing of knowledge/insight helped expand my own perspective. There's a mentor vibe, like an older brother you really respect.

He is always at ease, confident and makes his presence felt wherever we go. He elevates me in that regard and I come to value his opinion of me. At least when I earn a clap, high 5, hug or slap on the butt.

One afternoon he calls me and says, "Hey. Worked out too hard yesterday afternoon. No rock climbing today. Come to my place instead."

I happily comply.

When I get there, he opens the door wearing a towel. Whatever. I've seen him naked more than a few times at the gym locker room. He was the first man I ever really looked at naked. One time he caught me and said, "Meat gazer," to which we had a loud laugh.

He welcomes me in and apologizes. Says his muscles are really tense. He knows I've studied and practiced massage and he wants me to give him a massage.

"Man hands have to be stronger than those ladies at the spa. Let's see what you got."

He walks toward his bedroom. Its as though he knows I will follow without protest.

When I walk into his bedroom he is lying on a large towel on his bed, naked and on his belly.

"Leg day yesterday. My calves, quads and glutes are screaming. You should focus there. Coconut oil is on the night stand."

When I reach for it, I also see something that is obviously a different kind of lubricant.

Whatever.

And so I begin the massage. I start with the feet and work through the soleus and gastrocs. I've massaged men before, but they were my massage school classmates and proper draping was ALWAYS adhered to. I never saw any of them like I see him now.

As I start working his hamstrings he opens his legs a bit farther. I'd been purposefully averting my gaze away from where his legs meet his butt, or had been until that moment. My strokes of the hamstrings become rhythmic and purposeful, and he lets out a few gentle moans of pleasure.

Perhaps out of habit, I began massaging his glutes quite similarly to the way I massage my wife's. Yes, there is always more than a therapeutic justification for the way I massage her ass. She knows it. He did, too.

"Whoa dude! You massage your wife's ass like that?"

Yanked out of my day dream, I stutter. "W-what?"

He laughed. "You're doing good. I'm just fucking with you. Continue."

And I did.

I love the female ass. I love it's shape, it strength, it's aesthetic. I love everything about it. I find myself loving this one, too.

He moans. I can feel him push his ass into the base of my palm as I press on the medius.

Then he rolls over. His cock is hard as a fucking rock and I can't not stare at it.

"Touch it," he says, jarring me out of my trance.

Stunned, I draw back from him. "W-what? No!"

He grabs my hand and looks me in my eye.

"Touch it. I know you want to. I want you to. Touch my cock."

He gently pulls my hand toward his dick until they touch.

"You know you want to. Touch it. Squeeze it."

I obey.

Timidly and gingerly at first, I let my hand and fingers explore his dick. I touch him where I love to be touched. I stroke him as I enjoy being stroked.

I'm so lost in the experience, the nerves and excitement that it takes me a moment to notice he is touching my cock.

"Well, well," he says, feeling my hard cock in my shorts. "You like touching my dick. I knew you wanted to. I knew you'd like it, too."

My discomfort with the truth is apparent, but I don't stop stroking his dick. In fact, I reach over with the other hand and begin cupping his ample balls.

He taps his fingers up the length of my erection through my shorts while I continue pleasure-massaging his cock.

He undoes the button and zipper of my shorts and slides them down my legs. I feel his hands run up under my boxers until he's grabbing one cheek of my ass. I'm frozen with fear and electrified with excitement as his hands knead and squeeze my cheeks.

"That's nice. You like me squeezing your ass, don't you?"

"Yes," I whisper.

"You like stroking my dick, too don't you?"

"Y-yes," I admit.

"Put it in your mouth."

I resist and let go of his dick. At once he grabbed my ass and the hand I tried yanking away. He puts my hand back on his cock and holds me firm in both places.

"Oh, no. I think you've misunderstood."

He grabs my balls and I whimper. He lessens the grip and begins massaging them.

"Fight all you want, but you know the truth. I know the truth. You wanted to touch my dick. You wanted to feel it hard in your hands and stroke the length of it. I know you want to suck it. I tried just encouraging you, but now I'm telling you. Put my dick in your mouth and suck it."

Like I am watching myself in a movie, I move my head closer to his crotch. My hand is still stroking and squeezing it and... he is right. I do want to suck it. I want to feel him and pleasure him with my mouth.

I suck him like I like to be sucked. I lick him from the base to the tip, sliding my tongue back and forth over his frenulum. I make his dick dance once or twice before teasing him. I look him in his eyes and take his cock deep inside my mouth slowly.

Holy fuck.

Before I know it, I'm sucking his cock like the sluttiest porn star I ever saw. While I do it, this man continues mind-fucking me.

"Yea, you wanted to suck my cock. You're a fucking slut, you know that? I like sluts. Now you're my slut."

I moan with his cock in my mouth.

He moves us to 69 position but on our sides. He leaves my boxers on and positions his head between my legs. I think he's going to suck my dick, but I get something so much better.

With both of his hands he is massaging my ass cheeks. He spreads them and holds them open just a little longer each time. I'm pushing his cock back as far in my throat as I can without gagging and then I feel it.

With my ass spread open I feel the heat of his breath. I hear him inhale my scent. Then I feel his tongue tickle and tease my asshole.

I moan loudly with his cock in my throat and try to move my body into a better position for him to lick me. He spreads my cheeks again, suctions his lips to my hole and begins tongue fucking me.

I moan again loudly. I've had my asshole licked before but never felt anything like this.

"Just like a woman. You like getting your little pussy licked."

I moaned again from the mindfuck of truth.

There I am with my back arched, my ass in this other man's face waiting for the pleasure of his touch, cupping his balls, massaging his swollen taint all while sucking his hard cock deep in my mouth.

He moans and I can tell he's going to cum. I'm thinking, "I don't want him to cum in my-"

And with that he grabs my head and holds it down while he cums in my mouth.

It is pungent in its own way, Salty, slimy and quickly filling my mouth. I can't come off of his dick to spit it out, but I hold it there instead of swallow.

The squirts and twitching subsides. He pulls my head up and I think I'll get to spit this out but, before his head escapes my lips he pushes my head back down on his cock. He guides me up and down once or twice more and I do as I am shown.

I continue sucking his cock even with my mouth full of his cum. He says to me, "Swallow it."

I give the "nuh-uh" sound with his cock and cum in my mouth, but continue sucking him.

He puts his thumb on my soaking wet asshole and presses in slightly.

"I said swallow it."

I hesitate still. He begins massaging my asshole with his thumb.

"I knew you wanted to touch my dick. I knew you wanted to stroke it. I even knew you wanted to suck it. I'm not wrong about this. You want to swallow my cum because you're a total fucking slut. You're my slut. Now swallow my cum."

I moan again with the mindfuck and surrender. I swallow his cum like I'm told. I turn away from him and lie on my side. I'm curled in something like a fetal position and he lies down behind me. He begins gently sucking my ear lobes and whispering to me.

"You've come so far."

He tugs at the waist band of my boxers and I move to help him slide them off. I can feel him pressed against me from my neck down to my feet.

To be continued in part 2