Tulip

Some of the things written on here are more boasts than confessions and some are patently untrue, but don't get me wrong I love reading them all.
But this is a real confession and full of regret.
My girlfriend and I decided a few weeks ago that we should finish seeing each other. She's single, I'm married and a lot older than she is.
I'm holding her back.
I was lucky, and had a great education and now i run my own business. She was lazy at school not really pushed and as a result she doesn't have a great job. But, though shy, she's one of the brightest and most observant people I've ever met.
She's also sexy as fuck.omg!
She's tall, slim, with the most beautiful white, white skin. She has long beautiful legs, an amazing ass, gorgeous small pointy breasts and the most beautiful tulip shaped cunt, which looks absolutely perfect when she comes to see me freshly waxed. My name for her is Tulip. She has a fabulous neck, and when she takes off her geeky glasses, the prettiest face and the most sparkly eyes I've ever seen.

We met online and were intrigued by each other immediately. We are so different, and this has mystified and thrilled us from the start, the way we have got on being such completely different people and with contrasting backgrounds.
The first time we met I hired a hotel day room. She arrived late and was so shy all she could repeat was 'this is so wrong', which of course it was but then suddenly somehow we were kissing then she was naked,and she was sucking my cock.
The second time we met in a park near where she lives. It was a mild but cloudy day in spring. She wore a dress. We had a picnic on a park bench and drank champagne (we've always drunk a lot of champagne together) and then I was fucking her from behind with my naked cock on a park bench. (I swear I'm going to have a plaque made and screw it to that bench!). We smirked at the dog walker who went past shortly after we'd finished. That was the first time I had my naked cock inside her. It felt fabulous, but not just the sensation, it was like the commitment and trust we made to each other at that moment.
We fucked in so many places: posh hotels, rough toilets, outdoors, cars in the rain, car bonnets in the sun, balconies, gardens,in front of mirrors in her kitchen. We did a MMF once and she took our two cocks inside her so easily. So many memories..
I wish I'd cum in her mouth more often.
I wish she'd worn stockings and suspenders more.
I wish I'd fucked her in the ass more often.
I wish I'd made a climax as powerfully as she made me cum
I wish she'd woken me up with my cock in her mouth (but she's a lazy bitch in the morning)
I wish we'd fucked in the cinema.
I wish I had caned beautiful red parallel welts on her ass.
I wish we hadn't ended.
So many regrets, and yet I have had the best sex and the most thrilling excitement of my life.
But she has to move on.
We consoled ourselves with the thought that we would never get on IRL. And yet...
I'm full of guilt, my wife doesn't deserve this.
Early on Tulip said to me 'I'll fuck you but I don't want to relationship with you'. But (problematically) we have developed a relationship. We may only have seen each other a couple of dozen times, but we chatted online almost every morning, and now we're trying to get over things. And i know for me at least, its really hard.
Once she accused me of pushing, pushing myself on her. I know shes right, i did. I couldnt stop myself. But we can't control how these things go and I genuinely fell deeply in love with her. I still think of her ALL the time. Its totally bonkers but as the married guy i think i've felt far more jealous of her occasional fucks with other guys than she did of the fact that im married .
So what next? My wife doesnt deserve this. And yet i have wondered how life might be if i were with her. We often said to each other that we would quickly end up hating each other if we were together permanently. It would be reassuring to both of us if that were really the case . I hope it is for her. And yet for me i'm really not sure. We've spent 3 days together twice and once 4 days...maybe not so long, but not nothing, and no cross words at any moment.
I know this is all wrong and fucked up. Perhaps I just want her to tell me to Fuck Off.To say to me that she really is ready to move on. (I think she is. She should be) but if she isnt , i can only think of the joy we're missing.
What a selfish fucker i am!
But if youd only seen the way she smiled and laughed with me and covered me COVERED ME with kisses when we were deeply entwined together, you might understand even if not forgive .
Deep breath....

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