Widowed and alone, I found renewal with another man

I found myself alone, overnight. My wife of 30 years contracted the brain eating amoeba while on vacation in Costa Rica. She died, never recovered consciousness. After the experience of having to repatriate her body, the funeral, the house to myself I decided that the best thing to do was to sell the house, and all the belongings and move into a high rise close to my office, a new start. Alone.

I had no desire to date. Work related entertainment was fine, but I did not want any personal entertainment. Near the high rise was a pizza place, one of those neighborhood places, and I went there once a week for night out. I sat at a table on the patio and caught up on the news. One day, this man came over and asked if he could join me, he had seen me come every week and he too was alone. Out of courtesy really I said go ahead and sit down.

I never realized how many men in my age group find sex with another man. I do not believe I'm gay. But the warmth of an embrace, something new and prohibited. Turning roles upside down, being the penetrated partner and not the other way around. I found kissing to be therapeutic, I can disappear in the sensation, being the object of being kissed, of being made love to. Presenting myself for him to mount me, definitely prefer him to be on my back, pressing me down. There is something about being totally under his control, his penetration, his mounting, his rhythm in me, feeling every ounce and inch of his penis in me, being the one to receive, to turn from time to time to get a wet kiss while he studs me.

It must be an instinct of some kind. I have no desire for his role. I am quite content with mine.