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What would YOU do? Would you consider it?
I know morally speaking, there is no good excuse to cheat on your significant other. "If you're unhappy, just leave." Cheating is "unacceptable." But consider this...
What if you are dating a guy and everything is extremely amazing. You smile like you've never smiled before. You shine even in the darkest days. You are truly happy with this guy. You wake up happier than the next because of how great he is. You fall in love and plan your life with him. This goes on for 5 whole months.
5 FREAKING MONTHS. You can fall in a lot of love in 5 months.
Then finally, sex happens. But it's the kind of sex that makes you feel betrayed and resentful. Sex so awful you cry. I'm not a size queen whatsoever but I mean seriously? It's extremely little and abnormally thin. It feels incompatible (if that makes sense?) I'm not looking for Mr. BigNThick or trying to have unrealistic expectations. And not only size but stamina. He only lasts a minute and a half or less. Not only size and stamina but technique. Which is non existent. We try different positions but it's awkward. It slips out a lot. I told him he could put it in my butt and that got him going. So he spit on his penis and put it in. I felt it but it wasn't anything to write home about. He's the first person I've ever let enter that region.
He doesn't do foreplay. He refuses to go down on me.
I try to suggest things but nothing comes of it. I know I sound like a shallow, cruel, evil, hateful bitch. I don't want to leave him. Is it wrong to feel like trapped because he waited 5 months? He shot me down several times through the months always saying, "I don't want to be like most guys and make sex my main objective." I feel now like that was a cop out. Is this not an acceptable reason to cheat? Before any saints say "you don't really love a person if you can cheat on them." First of all, shut the hell up. I wish I could talk to him about it but I know it will damage his pride. Anytime I've suggested even fingering me a certain way, he would get moody and feel like he's not good enough. So I could only imagine asking for his blessing to be with someone more capable.
I love this guy. With all my heart. I still want to spend the rest of my life with him. I want to marry him one day and grow old with him. I want to look back in 50 years and smile at all we've accomplished. I want to support him through his growth and be there through every step. These things are far more important and take priority. But can't I step out, replenish on sexual satisfaction then step back in? Who can truly say they wouldn't stray?
The right thing to do, honestly, is show him this post. Yeah, it'll take courage, and yeah, he'll probably be very upset, but if you want to move forward in this relationship and have it last, you need to do it together. You deserve to get your needs met, and he deserves to have an informed voice in this conversation.
He'll probably have a very strong emotional reaction right away, but after he's had time to calm down and process the situation you may find that you've underestimated his flexibility or creativity, or simply his willingness to do whatever it takes to build a happy life with you. In any event, I'd strongly suggest relationship counseling.
I was in a similar situation several years ago where everything in my relationship was fantastic except the sex. We went to counseling, and the therapist was amazing. She had ideas we never would've thought of, identified underlying problems we were both having, and helped us find solutions that improved not just our sex life, but every aspect of our marriage.
Totally get it, and it's why I'm a "cheater" too. What I want out of a boyfriend/husband and what I want out of a sex partner are two separate things!