Forced to Start Smoking

Hi there, I am a 33 year old lady who has now been smoking since I was 3 years old. What I have to say might be shocking to most normal people, but right from the time I was a toddler, I would sit on my mum's lap while she smoked, and she would blow smoky kisses into my mouth, and make me be unable to blow the smoke out until I inhaled into my lungs. My memories, despite being so young, are vivid, and what is most remarkable, is that it was an amazingly pleasurable (rather than upsetting) experience. Very quickly, I began to adore the feeling of my mother's smoke hitting my little lungs, and feeling so soothed and calm. My mother told me that she wanted me to become a proper smoker and to become completely addicted like her. I knew, when this was happening as a 3 year old that, even though I had no choice, I very much loved how smoking made me feel and was only too happy to be a good girl and do as my mum told me.

The forced part of my introduction to smoking stopped as soon as I told mum I wanted to be a smoker just like her, and, from that point on, I was made by mum to light up my own cigarette whenever she lit herself up. Before I was four, I was completely head over heels addicted and smoking at least a packet of 25s a day - always full strength menthols. In no time at all, after at first being forced to inhale smoke, I was a helplessly (but also very happy) addicted little girl. Mum said I looked so utterly adorable when I was smoking, and I used to love watching myself in the mirror. Mum gave me an ashtray for my room, and I was encouraged to light up in my bed as soon as I woke up in the morning and my last smoke of the day would be as she was reading me a goodnight story. I smoked when I was playing with my dolls, in the car with mum, and in front of her friends. Within just a few short weeks as a smoking preschooler, I could not imagine ever again being unable to smoke, and, as far as I was concerned, smoking was normal for me, and a habit that made me feel very special and grown up.

Rather than being angry at mum, I am wrapped that she did what she did. Being an underage smoker right throughout my childhood made me feel so very safe in the knowledge that I had a way that other children didn't of making myself feel nice and so very contented. Every lunchtime at school, my mother would pick me up and take me home so I could satisfy my need for nicotine. Even though I was pretty coy and uncertain at first, my mother encouraged me not to hide my addiction, and she pushed me to smoke with her and in front of my friends when they came to play.

I now have a preschooler of my own and, I am not ashamed to say that I am doing exactly the same as my mum did for me and I too began giving my darling son smoky kisses and making him inhale the smoke when he was just a toddler. Now, at the age of 3, he is a fully addicted smoking child, just like I was. I know about all the health risks and all the anti-smoking propaganda, but I know in my heart that, even though what I am doing is crossing a very forbidden social boundary, making my child smoke is the best way for him to grow up. Just like I did when I was a little girl, my little boy knows he now has no choice but to smoke, and, for him, just as it was for me, his cigarettes are his best friend. I am so proud of him, and, because of the struggles I had getting thru my school day being nicotine deprived, I am going to homeschool him so that he can smoke while he sits at his desk and learns. I think this will help him to concentrate so much better, and be an A+ student.

I expect a tirade of abuse from "normal" people, but am doing writing this confession as I am curious to know if anyone else has had a similar experience.

Best wishes, from a smoke-adoring mother xoxo

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