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I Want to be Hirt
This is the confession I can tell no one.
I want someone to rape me. The worse, the better. Share me with other men, hurt me, keep me for days. Be despicable.
I’m not talking about rough sex, or con-non-con or role play. I want it to be real, be traumatizing. I don’t want it for the sex. I want it because I want the TRAUMA. Because I truly deserve it.
If you are willing to do something horrendous, something criminal, my Dust app is jenny_lee, in CA
I chatted on a chat site with a girl who was about to kill herself. And I believed what she was telling me. She told about her life that had been violence and fear as long as she could remember. And finally someone had raped her.
We chatted intensively for about two to four hours. She was clearly an intelligent young person. She asked several times that what she had done to earn a life like that. On the other hand, she asked me to come and beat, rape and kill her.
Finally she got tired and clearly distracted. I cannot describe the pain I felt. So, how might she have felt? I feel pain right now, writing this message. I do not know if she died. To be precise, there is no way I can proof it all was real. I just have my intuition that it was.
The mind, soul, psyche - however you wish to call it - is the most peculiar entity I can think about. She was clearly begging for help but unable to receive it. A mind can be very twisted and distorted when the pain has been hard and long enough. We can look pretty normal but live and act without any free will. Or is there any free will at all?
This original message and the discussion I wrote about make me think how arbitrary and unfair every single thing is. How to love someone like this? What would any kind of sex lead into? Is an act of love or terror or both at the same time?