Female masturbation?

Hi. I’m 24. I don’t like watching porn. I’m married. I often think about other men when my husband fucks me. I don’t masturbate much but when I do I often think about being made to have sex, maybe blackmailed at work, my father in law or my brother in law. I imagine they have forced me somehow to masturbate, why isn’t important, and I’m having to get myself ready for their horrible cocks. I imagine I have a double life, my life now as it is but also one where I have to please them, whenever I’m expected to.
I like reading if anything. I’ve read about women on trains, can’t get away, i think about that, what that must be like. A friend, not a boyfriend at a gig once behind me groped me. I moved his hands but he would just put them back. He was whispering in my ear. I think about that but imagine him taking me to the toilets to have sex with me.
I am faithful in real life but in my head…..

I look at videos online of girl on girl, old fat men with younger ladies, bondage and humiliation or strangers groping women. When I feel my pussy getting all hot I go into my bedroom or bathroom to use a vibrator pressed against my clit until I cum again, again, again, and again as I imagine a stranger eating my pussy.

I have voyeured my younger sister masturbating in the bathroom with the water jet focusing on her clitoris keeping her vagina split open with two finger.

I have gone through many stages and I cannot tell you why. Now I started the lesbian porn, but I am straight. I am curious what it would be like and I actually want to do it just once. But only once. Meanwhile it gets me off as I wonder

Girls don't masturbate. It's shameful.

Shame on you! You don't know the pleasure of it!!