I Hate My Friends and Myself
I Just seem to have the worst Social Issues ever no matter who tries to be my friend I end up hating their guts in the end. Maybe it has to do with trust issues that I just refuse to let go of, bad choices I made in my life, bad crowds I hung around with, but the problem is my friends say they really care about me yet I really hate them because they care about me. I know it sounds fucked up but it's just that I became friends with these guys over common interest, we used to text eachother every day and would do skype calls but then one day is when my metamorphosis began.
I grew jealous and angry after my friends started playing some stupid game and asked me to join I flat out refused despite them bugging me to play it with them, then I would ignore them when they would go to call me on skype, then they would ask why I wouldn't join them, I wouldn't answer, they were on facebook talking all the time and I refused to join them no matter how they kept bugging me to join even wanting me to play a game with them so I chose to avoid them.
Time after Time I began avoiding them whenever they wanted me to game with them, hang out, or to just talk, it later escalated with me yelling at them, getting angry at them, this one friend I have is a sweet kind hearted person and I treated him like shit, he wanted to talk with me and hang out but I just flat out treated him like shit, I would force them to remove me from tagged posts on facebook, in face i've even threatened them and called them a loser.
But where things really went downhill was when we made plans the whole weekednd to hangout and as usual I got cold feet and lied about not feeling good when in reality I wanted to but the thing is I was so pissed off at them and it was all because that retard had to go and make some tribute post with me in it, that really made my blood boil, it sickens me when they do these nice things for me, tagging me in stuff, making tribute posts, I swear I wish these fucking losers would all die in a car accident.
Then for some reason I joined but retard's pc crashed in the middle of the shitty game they ply and I was happy but then he's like "Dude you know what, it's obvious you hate us so we're not going to talk to you for a while." Ever since then we barely walk to each other anymore, I am starting to regret all of my actions, the way I treated my friends, getting angry at them for no reason, hating them, and wishing bodily harm on them, i'm such a disgusting person all I want is to make things right but sadly I feel like the damage has already been done.