Deviant compulsion

This is listed under the naughty section because maybe that allows more adult content. I'll get right to it and what I did. First off I want to point out that I've never had a major charge and I have a relatively clean record save a couple public intoxications. I've never hurt anyone physically except in fights and I've never been abusive or aggressive towards women. In my younger years I was a popular guy with a lot of friends who had its share of women. But over the years drug abuse and isolation changed all that. So let me explain.
Because I'd like to have your opinion in the comments
A while back I developed a strange habit I began calling suicide and crisis hotlines with a fabricated story that I would pass off as true. I would roll play the main character in my fiction and relay the information from the story to the crisis worker on the other end of the phone. My story did not contain foul language or was it overly descriptive but it certainly had a very disturbing element. I suppose it didn't take words to elicit picture in someone's mind. I want to stress here and make it very clear that what I made I want to stress here and make it very clear that this story I told was completely made up. I've been grilled on this for hours. The events in the story never happened. The girl in the story didn't even have a name.
But in the story as I said I was role playing the main character who was in trouble for putting his hands on a 13 year old girl. My character in the story was 32 years old. I was 45 at the time that I was making the calls. I am a writer and I do a lot of creative writing. And I was doing math and it brought on a strong sexual compulsion, that is where this raunchy story emitted from. The recesses of my dark mind. When talking about what happened directly I would tell the call taker that " I touched her down there over her clothing". That was his descriptive I got describe in the act but I suppose I did get more descriptive later when was when after dozens of calls the story moved forward and I added a sentencing hearing. I said that when the judge Boise speaking to me before handed down Herr sentence that she remarked I had rubbed her a little forcibly down there and that it a full 20 minutes. I also remarked how the young lady that I had abused ( remember this did not happen in real life this was a story that I fabricated!) That she hadn't talked about during the sentencing how much I had emotionally hurt her. This is all really embarrassing still to this day and I'm ashamed immensely.
I was found out and shortly after I voluntarily came forth with all the information about the story I had made up and not I had called multiple multiple times. I was assured that I've done nothing illegal although there were a few of the ladies Sumner hotlines who apparently felt different. There were a few who even let me know that they knew why I had made the calls, I'll get to that shortly, I know that I deserve to be punished for what I had done
As time went by I had obviously stopped telling the bike story but I continue to call compulsively and explain everything could I have done. Basically I was just doing the same thing. It really started to weigh on me cuz there were things that I had not been forthcoming about that only I would know. But many of the call takers also were aware. So I can clean completely about everything even at the risk of being arrested and incarcerated.
This these calls were done for my own personal gratification and there was the most minor version I love pleasing myself. It wasn't as if I was working up to a climax because that never happened. But was merely touching. Which technically is still considered the big M wired when doing so for pleasure there was a little bit of a steer when some of the workers found this out and I was told to immediately stop. And I did stop and it's been almost a month. I also stop calling the the hotlines all together except to speak about the the history and to be questioned
At this point they are looking out for crisis call takers who could be considered "victims". I would like to know what you think, especially if you have knowledge of specific laws. I don't want to go into too many specifics but this happened in the upper South. If you note any specific laws that were broken or you feel there should be consequences, I welcome honesty and for you to be candid. I have a lot of guilt over this and feedback offered could affect what I do. I have spent many hours wondering what my actions deserve if anything. Most of the people at the hotline seem to thank absolutely nothing except for the few people who want to look into it a bit further. These are the people feel there is a possibility that that I behaved in a way that must be punished
I know this is highly bizarre and disgusting. If I have broken the law I'll be punished for it. This is what these people do. I would like to hear opinions and have considered the idea of consenting to the Judgment of a respectable moral person. Perhaps someone would be interested in and saying that consequences of some sort result. Some people have suggested some things outside of the justice system that are very real and disturbing to think about the reality of having to suffer these particular consequences
Please keep in mind that I was very forthcoming and revealed all of my motives and actions. This is not complete virtue and nobility I must admit, much of it stems from a different type of motive altogether. I won't go into that. But I think it should also be taking into consideration that that I did basically tell on myself and motive classical or not, I knew what that could possibly mean.
Thank you for reading and I look forward to reading your comments

1.2 years ago

Related Posts

1 Comment

  • newest
  • most popular
  • oldest
    • After reading that I don't know whether to scratch my watch or wind my ass. What I can discern of it is, you're a phone phreak on the pervy side who gets off confessing to crimes and offenses that didn't really happen, but you get equally excited at the possibility of being punished for these imagined infractions. You wantonly waste valuable human resources and time and should cease your activities immediately.

Account Login
Is this post inapropriate?
Reason for reporting this post
Report this comment
Reason for reporting this comment
Delete this post?