I ran into my abusive college boyfriend
I was terrified when I went away to college because I'd never been so far from home for as long as I would be gone. Because of that I was kind of desperate to make a connection. So during my first month away I went to a dorm mixer and met this guy Zack. We got pretty drunk so I don't remember to this day exactly how we got there, but I woke up the next morning in his off-campus apartment and we were in bed together naked. Even though I could feel his cum on my thighs and I realized we'd had unprotected sex I didn't feel scared or nervous or ashamed. I actually felt content in his arms.
He was a senior and to make a long story short we remained in a relationship for the remainder of that year. I clung to him hard and quickly decided that Zack was the most important person in my life. I didn't realize until years later how badly he took advantage of that.
For most of the year I barely ever went to class or did the work I was supposed to be doing. I hardly ever spent the night in my dorm, instead sleeping in Zack's apartment in his bed after we had sex. He was my first everying, my first anal, my first oral, even the first time I'd ever let myself be tied up during sex. I didn't care that I was failing out of school as long as his cock was inside me so I dropped my panties for him all the time. I spent entire days naked in his apartment just waiting for him to recover and fuck me again.
And Zack knew that he controlled me. He knew that he could call me any time anywhere and I'd be rushing to him with my panties soaking wet. He was my only friend and honestly I treated him like a god. He would often tell me what a slut I was, how I belonged to him, and I ate it up.
And then at the end of thay year he went away and never told me where or why. I flunked out of college and when I went home my parents kicked me out for wasting their money on classes I didn't attend. I was lucky enough to have an older cousin who gave me somewhere to stay. I got a bad job at a convenience store and worked there for four years until I met, dated, and married the regional manager of the store. I ended up neing incredibly lucky because he is a good man who makes decent money but our sex was never very good, though I think that's because I was ashamed of being such a nympho in college.
The reason I'm posting all of this is because the other day I was out shopping with my son and my daughter being pushed along in the cart. I got tapped on the shoulder and saw Zack standing there. I'd never expected or wanted to see him again but having hin standing there in front of me had me weak in the knees and dry mouthed. He looked almost exactly the same just with a different haircut. He talked to me like nothing had ever happened between us until he went to hug me goodbye and whispered in my ear that he wanted to see me with his cock down my throat. And god damn it I realized that I wanted to leave my kids in the middle of the market and run into a bathroom stall with this man who nearly ruined my life.
Terrified of the thought I all but ran away from him, left my groceries behind, and threw the kids in the car and speeded home. I needed a shower and went I went into the bathroom to undress my panties were wet. I masturbated in the shower and when I was finished I just sat under the running water for an hour.
In the days since I've been constantly looking over my shoulder for Zack, expecting to see him standing there and waiting impatiently for me to take my clothes off. And I know that if he asked me I'd be riding his cock in a split second. I don't know why I want him so badly even now but I do. I'm thinking of going out to find Zack and begging him to abuse me again. I feel like that scared teen from my first day of college again and a big part of me wants Zack to "save" me again.
Nicole? Is that you?
You're a doormat. Stop collecting dirt, get shook out, and move on !
Some women like being used. Leave her alone and let her make her own mistakes.
Don't do it. He's a prick.